Used Up

Can I trust a God that would use me up completely for the sake of someone else or something else? Can I trust a God like that? Is that fair at all to go through a situation and act and be who I am supposed to be and get nothing from it? Would I be OK with a God who would completely waste my life for the good of others?

I have a great friend that posed these questions to me a while back, but I really did not have much of a context to answer these questions, so I just chatted with him a little bit about them. However, recently I have had a few experiences that have left me ‘unfairly’ treated and somewhat ‘used up’; all for the sake of those around me and of no discernable good for me.

Is that fair? To be exactly who I am supposed to be and get no reward for it?

Depends on how I view God. If I think that I can control God with my behavior and actions and heart motives, then I am way off base. God is Creator and Sovereign and Lover and Savior. I am not. He is in the heavens and does as He pleases. (Psalm 115:3) To think that I can control situations and life events with the way I act and behave is absurd.

I have often thought and still think sometimes that if I will just be the man God has called me to be, and the worker God has called me to be, and the friend that God has called me to be, then God will have to reward that and give me the desires of my heart.

What a foolish attitude that has crept in my heart and snuck into my life unnoticed. I thought that I could control God and make Him behave the way I wanted Him to.

A common American way of thinking that often gets associated with Christianity is, ‘God helps those who help themselves.’ Not true in the least sense. God is in the Heavens and He does as He pleases. (Psalm 115:3) God helps those whom He desires to help, regardless of human behavior. God does as He desires and acts for His glory and our utmost joy. My pastor says this a lot, ‘God is more committed to His Glory and your joy than you ever will be.’ I think this is true and consistent with the Scriptures.

A common verse used to back this view is this:

 ‘God works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.’ Romans 8:28

This is a completely true statement, but the Scripture does not leave this up to our interpretation as to what is for our good. Paul continues:

‘For those whom He foreknew (or fore-loved) He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, in order that He might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom He predestined He also called, and those whom He called He also justified, and those whom He justified He also glorified.’ Romans 8:29-30

So, our good is found in that which conforms us into the image of God’s Son, Jesus Christ. That is what is good for me, not whatever I thought or think is best for me. God knows that to conform me into the image of His Son is of far greater significance than any other fleeting joy on this earth. I love that I am the passive agent in all of this. God loved. God predestined. God called. God justified. God glorifies. God gets all the glory, not me.

There’s a story in the Old Testament about a man named Isaac (the son of Abraham). God tells Rebekah, his wife, that she will have two sons and the older one will serve the younger one. This was very inconsistent with an honor-based, patriarchal society. Paul says that this was to show that God was sovereign not because of human works but simply because God calls. Paul asked whether this was injustice on God’s part, because Esau (the older son) ‘deserved’ to be honored as the oldest and was ‘unfairly’ treated. Paul then quotes God’s words to Moses in Exodus 33:19.

‘I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion. So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy. For the Scripture says to Pharaoh, ‘For this very purpose I have raised you up, that I might show my power in you, and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth. So then He has mercy on whomever He wills, and He hardens whomever He wills.’ Romans 9:15-18

I think we like to think that we can control God and order His steps. We like to think that God will be forced to react a certain way if we just behave, however I don’t believe this. I do know that God rewards and blesses the righteous. I do think that it is OK to receive blessing and rewards from God, knowing that they come down from God the Father. But when we expect to be rewarded and aren’t, we can’t question whether God is there, or righteous, or faithful. He Is, even when we doubt. He Is, even if we don’t understand.

To answer my initial question, ‘Can I trust a God that would use me up completely for the sake of someone else or something else?’, I will do it this way.

Yes. Yes I can, and Yes I do.

So, for me to be ‘used up’ ‘unfairly’ does not lead me to hatred or questioning, but to a place of worship for a God that knows me and knows what I need more than I think I do. I definitely have questioned and wondered if this is what is for the best, but I trust God more than I trust my doubting.

My prayer is not for my situation to change, but for me to see God more rightly. Enlarge not my territories, but my view and love of You, God. 

Playing The Game Well

Do you ever feel like life is a big game? I think so, and I’ve thought about this a lot over the years as I have struggled to play the game well.

I know how to play the game, but that doesn’t mean that I want to. I know the answers. I know the right things to say (most of the time). However, just because I have and know the right answer (concerning missions, the Bible, the gospel, life, drinking, career, etc.), that does not mean that my life has been consistent with the words that I say. Does knowing the right answers get in the way of my realness? Does an understanding of this Game get in the way of deep and right relationships? Does a developed skill at playing this Game well hinder growth?

One of the virtues that I hold very highly is honesty, or you might call it realness. This hasn’t always been the case though. Pre-college, I’d say that I had not seen a whole lot of realness. This observation though is mostly an indictment on me and my lack of honesty with others. I had more masks and fronts that I was even aware of. I rarely let anyone in to see who I really am. I learned to play the game early.

The Game, as I have seen it, seems to be about putting on an air of having all things together, so that others might either respect or love you. The Game, in my perception, is about only showing strength and coolness and never showing weakness or un-coolness.

To get good at the game, one must learn what it is that others might want to see in you. This is problematic for many reasons. First, as Christians our aim is not to please men but to please God. Because of the gospel’s effect on our life, we are pleasing to God because of Jesus Christ and do not have to work to be somebody of value and worth. Second, it is impossible to please men, because we are fickle and our emotions are ever-changing. We can never keep up with a standard that is ever-changing. Third, we are imperfect beings and will never be rid of weaknesses and be filled with coolness. To put on the mask of having all things together is a lie and inconsistent with what we all know to be true.

To get good at the game, one must learn how to cover weakness and mask it as coolness, where weakness is defined as the things that you believe that others don’t want to see in you and coolness are those things that you believe others do want to see in you. This is also problematic, because Paul said that in our weakness, His power is made perfect. When we have all things together (or think we do), then we become independent of God, which is the opposite of how we are supposed to live towards Him; in complete dependency.

To get good at the game, one must never be completely honest. To be completely honest is to admit weakness and lack of coolness. This would be a detriment to ones status in the game. This is likewise problematic to the Christian, since we are people of the Truth which is Jesus Christ. We are called to be people who know the Truth and speak the Truth. To play the game well is not speak of the Truth.

To get good at the game, one must be about elevating oneself above everyone else. Since we are not perfect, we make this game about being better than those around you. We might even surround ourselves with people we deem as being less than we are so that we might look great; sandbagging is the term for this in sports. The problem with this is that we are comparing ourselves to the wrong standard. Our Standard is not other men, but Christ Jesus Himself. When we compare ourselves to Him, we see how weak and needy we truly are.

This game is filled with problematic rules and assumptions. To call oneself a Christian and continue to submit to the rules of the game is inconsistent.

We are fully accepted because of the gospel. We are fully free because of the gospel. We are called heirs and sons of God because of the gospel. We are free from pleasing others because of the gospel. We are free to love because of the gospel. We are free to be weak and un-cool because of the gospel. The gospel is our ticket out of the game.

However, when I continue to submit to the rules of the Game, I hinder deep and right relationships. I put a barrier between me and others and God. When I keep playing the game (knowing the right answers, putting on masks, acting inconsistently with who God says that I am, etc.), I hinder growth in Christ and love for others. I become too worried with how people see me in the flesh and not worried about the gospel being seen clearly in me.

In college, I began to find guys who once had played the game well, but had surrendered their lives to the gospel. They were so free and full of life, and I wanted that. I have tried to surround myself with these people, so that they will rub off on me and force me to be real. This is what I desire; to be able to be real and not worry about playing the game well.

We will never meet the standard imposed on us by others, so why keep trying to? Get out of the game and come to Jesus; in Him is found true freedom. In Him, we are free to be weak and un-cool. In Him, we are free to love. In Him, we are fully accepted. In Him, we have life free from the games that we play.