A change in direction

I have been without direction and purpose in reading the Bible, but am trying something new. I am trying a change in direction. In the past, I have tried to read a certain number of passages/chapters/books per day/week/month. This works well at certain times, but it has become dry to me. I have decided to take in smaller amounts of Scripture at a time in an effort to digest them better. It is kind of like eating and being fed; sure you can get full by stuffing your face, but do you enjoy the taste and texture of the food? Do you actually get a sense of how the food was supposed to taste and nourish? Sure, there are times when you have to scarf food down, but a meal is much more enjoyable when slowly eaten and appreciated. I would much rather slowly get full and enjoy the tastes and textures of the food. Same with the Word of God. I tend to read it like a newspaper or a book that I am just trying to finish. I try to get the high points and the general flow without actually getting lost in the story. I want to get lost in the meaning of Scripture and truly taste and see that the LORD and His Word are good. Not a perfect analogy, but it will work for now.

My plan is to sit and dwell on a verse or verses at a time. I want to get into what the Author is trying to convey, what the words he uses mean, and how it fits into the meta-narrative of the Bible. I want to look up cross references and truly study the Word of God. God has revealed himself in the world (creation) and His Word. I want to know God by knowing His Word. So, I am starting in John. I will try to share some of what I am learning as I go.

John 1 is a powerful and dense piece of writing. The book of John is written by the Apostle John many years after the other three gospels were written. John wrote to add to the testimony and witness that Jesus of Nazareth truly was the Messiah and the Son of God. He uses personal and detailed accounts of experiences with Jesus and his disciples to prove and convey that this God-man was the promised anointed one (the Messiah, the Christ). John begins by speaking about the nature of God – Trinitarian in nature. Jesus (called the Word) has always existed, was with God (implying that he was distinct from God), and was God (not many gods, but one God with three distinct beings). The Trinity is one of the most baffling and complicated issues in the accepted doctrines of Christianity. Another is that Jesus was fully God and fully man (how does 1+1=1?). These are hard to understand, but I do not want to go into these, quite yet.

John continues by talking about John the Baptist. John the Baptist was sent by God to be a witness of the coming Messiah, Jesus. One thing that I noted when reading this was that John the Baptist obeyed. He just did what God called Him to do. John the Baptist will go on to say later that he did not even know Jesus, but was fully assured of what God had called him to do – be a messenger/witness/herald/ambassador for the coming of the Christ, Jesus. John the Baptist was to be the ‘voice in the wilderness, preparing the way of the LORD.’ God had told him very little about the Christ, but had given John enough to trust and obey. I just got caught up in the fact that John the Baptist just obeyed and did what God called him to do. John the Baptist was somewhat a radical and ostracized for living in the wilderness, baptizing people, telling them to repent of their sins for the coming of Messiah is near, and speaking about things that had yet to happen. John the Baptist was counter-cultural and unashamed. I love that!

Jesus said of John the Baptist that he was the greatest man born of a woman to have ever lived. Wow. John the Baptist got it. Remember that the disciples still thought until the death of Jesus on the cross that Jesus was going to bring an earthly Kingdom with military, political and social power. However, John the Baptist said when he saw Jesus for the first time, ‘This is the Lamb of God who will take away the sins of the world.’ John the Baptist got it. He knew that Jesus came to save the world from their sins not to overtake it and bring the Jews to power. John the Baptist was a man. He got it.

John the Baptist was not after getting followers or disciples, because as soon as Jesus showed up John’s disciples left to follow Jesus. That’s a change in direction. John the Baptist was a man. He pointed people to Jesus, the one who could save their souls. Let us be men and women like that.

Let us make disciples of Jesus. Let us not point people to ourselves. Let us obey immediately when God calls, trusting that He will provide what we need. Let us be convinced that Jesus is the light that cannot be overcome by the darkness. Let us be convinced that Jesus is the promised Anointed one who came to take away the sins of the world. Let us be doers of the Word and not just readers/hearers.

Father, help me to love Your Word.

Notes from Midland thus far

1) This past weekend I as officially welcomed into West Texas. I was invited to go with a buddy (yes, I’m beginning to make friends) to some land out in Big Spring to shoot clays, learn to drive a back-hoe, weld and other manly things. Now, if there is anything more manly and more West Texas than blasting things out of the air, driving a 50 year old machine, melting metal together and eating Whataburger, then I don’t know what it is. It was  a lot of fun and has stirred in me my first desire ever to hunt.

2) One thing about the oil business (especially in a boom, like we are entering into) is that I could eat free lunch just about every day if I wanted to. One of our service companies is always wanting to pay for lunch, so that we’ll continue to pay for their services. I thought college was the time to get free food, but I’m beginning to think that now is primetime for that. At first, I kind of felt bad about it, but now I feel slighted when I don’t get lunch paid for. (which reveals how selfish and arrogant I have become in the past few months…more on this later) It’s just the way it goes out here.

3) There are literally 327 Mexican food restaurants in Midland. I have eaten at about 5 at this point, and I have not come across one that I don’t like. I come from College Station, where there is only 1 or 2 decent Mexican food places around. I could definitely get used to this. I’m not sure that any of them compare to Café del Rio in Lufkin, Texas, but they are getting close.

4) Finding a church and community is not as easy as I thought it would be, but God has begun to provide and it is awesome. I have basically nailed down a church home here at First Baptist Midland. I wrote a couple of weeks ago about a man, Dennis Perry, who I met early on. He has been a true blessing in my life thus far, especially outside of the church by inviting me to a Bible Study at his home with other young 20-somethings. I have begun to find friends and some brothers to invest my life in. First Baptist is a great church who is known for their missions and giving all across the state (mostly because of the wealth due to oil). I am looking forward to getting involved in community and service through this local body of believers. Sure, it is not a perfect church by any means, but I know that God is present and that there are genuine believers present.

5) I truly am enjoying (most days) being a Petroleum Engineer. I have found pleasure and joy in my work, even when I see how fleeting it is, in and of itself. I know ultimately that God is using this career move for His glory and my sanctification, so I can find purpose in the toil. I am beginning to understand what it is that I actually do (I get more questions about what it is that I actually do on a day-to-day basis, and up to this point I have not been able to give a good explanation).  I am beginning to understand what is actually going on and how things get done around the oil field. I am beginning to settle in to being a young professional engineer. God has given this sense of purpose and mission, because if I am being honest I find most of life very vain, especially work.

6) I am extremely selfish. This has always been true, and if you are being honest you are too; we all have a bent to hoard, protect our own and not give up of ourselves. It is nothing new; I have just finally seen it playing out in my life. As a single man with no real outside obligations other than work, it is extremely easy to be completely selfish with my time, money, talents, etc. I have never been more generous with money and yet so selfish at the same time. I have never been so selfish with what little time that I have. I have never been so aware of how arrogant, selfish and broken I am as I have the past few days. I find myself thinking all the time about what I could purchase, what I want to do with my money, and how I want to save or make money. I am praying that God would take the words ‘my’, ‘mine’ and ‘me’ out of my vocabulary. I am so self-centered nowadays and desire sanctification in this area. I want to see everything that I have as God’s, to be used for His Kingdom and not mine. I know that this is true, but I have not been living like it. I can see what Jesus meant when He said, “it is hard for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.” Riches cloud my mind, my apartment and my hearts desires and leave no room for God to inhabit.

I have a great brother and friend who is also blogging these days. He wrote an exceptional word the other day about the meaninglessness of words vs. taking action. Ultimately, these words mean nothing until I allow God to refine by His grace in this area and many more by action. I desire action and not passivity. I desire to continue moving forward down this dirt road of sanctification, albeit at a slow pace it seems sometimes.

7) The momentum and freshness is slowing down and wearing off. Midland and Chevron are both fairly new still, but are beginning to become the norm. I can honestly say that for the first 2+ months here I sought after God hard and relied heavily on Him. However, these past few weeks have been a backtrack in my walk. I have found myself more self-reliant and capable, which has allowed pride to sneak in to my heart. I do not feel the need for God as I once did. I do not have the passion for His Word as I once did. I do not have the discipline as I once did.

I am thankful that God has made me aware of these things, but I desire to know Him more than I do right now. I want more intimacy, more closeness, and more passion for Him than I have ever had. I sat in church this morning feeling completely empty, when on the outside life is going better than it has ever been. I want the opposite to be true. I want to be completely filled with God even when nothing is going right. I want to be completely satisfied and content even when the world is caving in around me. I pray that this would be a reality in my life, God! Sanctify me in Your truth, Your Word is truth!

Vision

I have been thinking and praying often about vision recently. Great leaders and people who truly make a difference in their worlds have vision. They may not clearly see all that is coming, and certainly are not able to foresee the future, but they do understand where they are going and what they are going to be about. People are only willing to follow leaders with vision. People without vision can wander aimlessly through life seeking who knows what.

One, I do not feel like I have vision for my life.

What I do know is that I could do many different things and be happy or content. I could spend my life in the oil industry (which I have found to be a mission field in itself) and be fully satisfied and convinced that God placed me there. I could go to seminary and be fully convinced and satisfied that He desire me be a pastor or evangelist of some sort. I could forsake all worldly comforts and go be a missionary in a foreign country and be fully satisfied and convinced that God placed me there. The point that I am trying to make is that I could do a lot of different things, because God has gifted me in this way, but I want to do what God wants me to do.

None of these choices for my life is inherently evil or good in and of itself. I might even argue that God would not get any more glory by me doing any one of these choices over the other ones. He ultimately gets glory from my life by my submission and obedience to His will and desires for my life. I obviously want God to be glorified to the greatest degree possible in my life, but I know that sometimes God uses death to get that glory (see Jim Elliot, Stephen the martyr, John Paton, etc.).

Two, I want to have a vision for my life of what God desires for me.

I know that when God blesses me with a wife one day, I need to have a vision (some would call it a plan) of what God has for us, where He is taking us, and what we are to be about. I know that I need to have a vision of how to raise kids in the admonition and fear of the LORD. I know that I need to have a vision of what my career path is. I know that I need a goal of some sort to work towards or I will wander aimlessly through successive jobs.

Three, I know that God has plans for my life and an overarching mission.

Jeremiah 29:11 (probably the most quoted verse by marginal believers other than Romans 8:28 or John 3:16) lays this out clearly. The overarching mission of my life is to make disciples of all nations, baptizing them and teaching them to obey God’s Word. (Matthew 28:19-20) This gives me a sense of stability even while I lack vision as to the specifics.

I was talking with a true brother the other day on my journey to Waco (a true Jonathan in my life). He is currently seeking God’s will for his life as well. He is pursuing a young woman and desires that their lives, separately and jointly, give the most glory to God. He is currently weighing his options and wants to choose the one that gives the most glory to God. My words to him were that God would get glory, no matter what the choice was. He was worried about the specifics, but ultimately knew that God desired obedience to His call on their lives. It seemed so easy to say to him that his choice did not matter and ultimately God will get glory because of their obedience, because it was not my life, my emotions, my complications or my decision. However, when it comes to my life, I squander in indecision and lack of vision.

I have another great friend whose mom is very sick right now. My words to her were that our Father knows (Matthew 6) our situations, and He is working them out for our good and sanctification into the image of His Son. (Romans 8:28-39) It is so easy for me to say these things to her, because it is not my mom who is sick or my family who is hurting. I know that these verses are true, but when it comes to hard things in my life, I still squander in indecision and lack of vision.

Sometimes all we need is to take a step back from everything to see what is going on. I think that is why it is easy for me to speak truth into their lives in the midst of their troubles and situations, but hard for me to see the same truths in my own life. This is why we need community around us. I need brothers in my life that will speak truth, rub off the rough edges, call me out when I am in the wrong and love me no matter what happens. I need men that will not be impressed with me, but impressed with what God has done in me, in spite of me. I need people in my life that know Jesus and desire him above all else. I was reminded of this after getting to be around a true brother over the weekend that has been this in my life for the past three years. What a blessing it was!

Let us seek community. Let us seek His vision for our life. Let us seek God, above all else!

You Redeem

Here's a song that has been in the works for a long time, but finally came together about a week ago. It's called You Redeem. Again, don't judge the quality too much, but appreciate the words and the truth that God does redeem and give life. Hope you enjoy!

Rescued

I wanted to share with you all a song that I wrote over the weekend. The recording is kinda rough, mostly because it's just me, my guitar, a microphone connected to my old computer. It's amazing that I can even do this with my worn out computer. But nevertheless, I hope that you enjoy it and can relate to the words.

What an awesome truth that those who are in Christ Jesus truly have been rescued from the domain of darkness and brought into the Kingdom of our Heavenly Father! Celebrate it with me!

His Faithfulness

How good is our God to provide what we need even when we do not see life as from His hands! How faithful is our God even we are utterly faithless! How sinful of creatures are we to doubt his unfailing love!

I went to First Baptist Midland yesterday for church, or should I say, God placed me there for a specific purpose. I showed up for a small group before the main service. I was the first to walk into the room where a man was drawing directions on a white board. I introduced myself to Dennis Perry, a very unassuming man by most standards. However, something was noticeably different about him. He had the warmest smile and a certain air about him that made even the shyest person comfortable. We got to talking about the group and the church and got to laughing very quickly. We shared the basics about ourselves and quickly discovered something that we shared in common: Breakaway.

Dennis, many years ago, was a youth minister (in the Dallas area, I believe) and would have kids come hang out at his house on certain nights of the week. A certain high school kid named Greg Matte came to these groups and was saved at Dennis’ home. Greg went on to A&M and started a similar small Bible Study in his apartment. Slowly that Bible study grew from a few buddies to a pretty big group to larger than he could have ever imagined. Years later, that Bible Study would grow to over 5,000 people and would be affectionately called Breakaway. Today, Breakaway is the single largest on-campus Bible Study in the nation and is held every Tuesday night on the campus of Texas A&M. All through this, Dennis was mentoring Greg and even served on the board for Breakaway until about 5 years ago when Greg stepped down to pastor FBC Houston.

Breakaway, and specifically Ben Stuart, has had a huge impact on my life. Ben was faithful to preach the Word of God and to challenge us to hunger and thirst for God. I have learned so much about the Word of God through Breakaway. I would not be where I am today if not for Breakaway and the faithfulness of some broken people who have been redeemed by Jesus’ blood.

Now, through those many years of being a full-time minister, I am sure that Dennis would say that there were times of struggle and ineffective ministry. However I would say that Dennis was faithful and specifically that our God remained faithful to accomplish His purposes through broken people who are seeking Him. God was faithful to bring a kid to salvation in a little home group, to start a ministry that changes countless college kids’ lives each semester, to lead one of the largest churches in the state and so much more. How great is our God!

Dennis took the time to introduce me to everyone in the class and then after the service to introduce me to a number of 20-somethings in the oil field that also attend FBC. He made sure that I got connected and felt welcome. I will never forget that morning for many reasons. Dennis also has a group of 20-somethings men who meet at his house on Thursday nights; he invited me.

God seems to provide in our lives when we are desperate and have reached the end. I hinted at it in my last post, but I was really fighting loneliness and fear that I would never get connected here in Midland. I was worried that I would never find friends, a church and some community to be real with. I was beginning to doubt that God knew my situation and needs. I was close to giving up.

But God…    (Ephesians 2:4,1-10)

But God…in His love, sent His Son to die the death that I deserved. But God…knew that I would not be good enough and sent His Son to fulfill the Law that I could not. But God…is rich in mercy and does not give me what I deserve. But God…saw me even in my filth and sickness and looked upon me with love. But God…made a way for me and provided. But God…knew that I would end up in Midland, Texas alone and would need community and friends. But God…knew that I would end up at FBC Midland and meet Dennis. But God…knew. He knows. He really does. He truly is faithful.