Something Real

A few reasons I am becoming an old man:

My college roommate of 4 years got married this weekend.

I went to bed last night before 9 o’clock.

I am not into getting Christmas presents at all. Giving is pretty cool, but I find it too obligatory.

I now take vacation.

Oilfield word/phrase of the week:

“this is fast-hole country” – an expression used to describe how quickly oil wells can be drilled in the Permian Basin; often used as frequently and with similar gusto as with similar expressions, such as ‘this is America!’ or ‘this is our town!’; can be used to encourage others to do something with more speed or enthusiasm; usually spoken with great pride

Something real

This weekend in Dallas for Mark’s wedding was one of the best times that I have had in a while. At Texas A&M, Dallas is the Mecca of destinations after graduation, and I always thought that was goofy and just a fad. However, after just being there for a few days, I can see why.

It was such a blessing to see so many good friends from college that I have had very little contact with in many months. I often forget of how good God has been to me. I am blessed to know some of the most Godly, passionate young people in the world. I was so encouraged this weekend to hear of how God is moving in their individual lives, communities, and entire countries. I am so blessed to have seen these people, and we immediately begin to share of how God is teaching and changing us. To me, that signifies that something real has happened within me and them.

Is speaking about Jesus and His gospel quick to roll off our tongues?

A great friend of mine was talking about this progression the other day.

God miraculously opens our hearts to see the beauty of the gospel and God saves us.

The next natural progression is to begin to live it out. Our living out Godly, holy and righteous lives is proof of the change that has happened within us, but changing our behavior does not produce a changed heart. Only God can do that.

However, the next natural progression of a regenerated heart is to talk about it and share it with others.

Sure, some will see our lives and maybe ask, ‘what’s different about that guy/girl?’ But, we need to be quick to see God and His gospel in everyday life and to point it out to others. We need to encourage each other with words as we see God’s Grace in their lives. We need to lose our fear of man, and talk about the majesty of our God. Someone (often quoted) once said, ‘Preach the gospel always, when necessary use words’ To me, that is an excuse not to speak. That is a crutch that we use so that we might not offend people. That is a vice that we need God to remove from our lives. We need to open our mouths to talk about God and His gospel, with Christians and non-Christians the like.

By God’s grace I have succeeded a few times, but my missed opportunities far outweigh my successes. May we not be good, moral people who only speak of sports, the weather and the economy. May we speak about God’s great Love for us – His Son.

Step of Faith

In my last post, I wrote about an opportunity for me to be apart of a water-well drilling trip to Guatemala with Living Water International. I cannot in words, describe how pumped I am to get to be apart of something like this; to go and share the truth of Jesus Christ, the Living Water, by meeting the urgent needs of a community some 1,200 miles from my home.

The other day, I casually emailed my contact with Living Water to get more information about well-sponsorship and the team I will be working with. Currently, it is unknown who I will be going on the trip with, but I know that God is working those details out. Carrie emailed me back with some great news about well-sponsorship. Living Water allows trip members the opportunity to sponsor the well that they will be working on; however, the funds for this well have yet to be identified.

That got me thinking. Actually, I should say that God stirred my heart when I read that email.

What if we could sponsor that water well?

But then I thought better of that.

…

Yeah, maybe I could scrounge up $5,000 before May, but I don’t really want to have to ask people for money. I don’t want to put that burden on people. I don’t want people to just feel guilty and give. I’ll just let somebody else sponsor that well, besides I am just one member of the team. Maybe they’ll want to sponsor it. Yeah, that’ll be better anyways. I’ll just go. That’s enough, right? Good thing I can justify not doing it, because I sure did not want to have to ask for money. Phew. That’s a load of my back.

…

“By this we know love, that He laid down His life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth”  - 1 John 3:16-18

…

I’m not closing my heart against these people am I? I mean, I am going all the way to Guatemala to do some manual labor. That is love if I have ever seen it. I am sacrificing my vacation, money and time to do this for them. That should be enough.

…

“Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the heart. To do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice.”  - Proverbs 21:2-3

…

Dang, that cuts to the heart, but is it really necessary to go all the way there and pay for the well? I mean, what about my savings and that new truck I want? I can’t possibly do both. What if I just gave a little bit towards the well?

…

“Take care and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.”  - Luke 12:15

…

That is a small sampling of the dialogue between me and God’s Word about whether to take this leap of faith. It became evident to me fast that I did not trust that our God is big enough to supply a measly $5,000. I did not trust that He had already set aside these funds to pay for this well at the outset of creation. I did not want to step out in faith by asking God to show Himself as our great Provider.

However, I cannot help but step out in faith, because of what He has done in my life and who He has proved Himself to be over the years.

I am committing to Living Water to provide the funds for this well by January 15^th.

Do I have $5,000? No.

Will I, by myself, by January 15^th? No.

Do we, together? Maybe.

Does God have a plan? Yes.

Will you join me? If you would like to give towards providing a water-well in the name of Jesus, please do.

Either message me (rctballa88@hotmail.com) or call me (936-465-7616) to talk about it, or just send me a check (4301 Raleigh CT APT 1508 – Midland, TX 79707). I guarantee that all funds sent to me will be put towards this water well with Living Water, or towards another well if God provides the money.

“The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must give as he has made up his mind, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.”  - 2 Corinthians 9:6-8

Living Water

Something really cool happened in my life this week. Maybe we will look back one day and call it monumental, but only time will tell. I sent in my registration form and money to take a trip with Living Water International to a village in Guatemala to drill a water well in May.

Living Water is an organization that was started about 20 years ago out of a church in Sugarland, Texas. This church took a mission trip to a country. We will leave the name of the country and village out of the story, because in truth this story about this village is the same story as that of thousands upon thousands of villages all around the globe. This church was able to see the living conditions of the people there. The people drank water that we would not even allow our pets to drink. It was causing their children to be constantly sick and to die of diarrhea and other diseases associated with drinking unsanitary water. This was the only source of water that they had, though.

Not only was the water completely unsanitary, but also was miles away. The villages women and children’s sole job was to make the trek back and forth carrying water. This means that most women did not have jobs to support their family and that most children in these communities did not attend school. Survival and satisfying thirst outweighs education and economy in these villages, as it would to us if we lived there. Can you imagine the life? Carrying water all the time, every day? Never having enough to satisfy? Working so hard to get water, only to see your kid get sick from it? Having no hope of life?

This church saw this injustice and decided to do something about it. They mobilized resources and people to begin to drill water wells in villages all around the globe. Their motto is – Providing a cup of water in Jesus’ name. Living Water (along with many other organizations) exists to spread the fame, glory and love of Jesus Christ by meeting the basic needs of people all around the globe. Drilling a well is not enough for them, and should not be. They bring the name of Him who is the true Living Water, the one who can truly satisfy. Living Water is committed to spreading the gospel, educating people about health and sanitation, and providing one of the basics of life, water, to tens of thousands each year.

I am extremely excited to be a part of the solution to the World Water Crisis. I am stoked to get to go share the name and hope of Jesus by helping drill a water well in Guatemala.

Want to know more about the World Water Crisis? Check out this video from Living Water International. Think about these statistics from Living Water’s website and other resources.

·         There are around 884 million people in the world without access to clean, safe drinking water. That’s almost three times the population of the U.S.

·         More people die each year from drinking dirty water than from the world’s hurricanes, floods, tsunamis, and earthquakes combined

·         Water-related diseases cost 443 million school days a year. That equals 2 million kids not going to school all year because of lack of clean water.

·         More than 150 million school-age children are severely affected by waterborne parasites like roundworm, whipworm, and hookworm.

·         In sub-Saharan Africa alone, 40 billion hours of labor are wasted each year carrying water over long distances. If that was America, that would be the equivalent of 400-800 billion dollars of lost pay.

·         These factors contribute to keeping people trapped in poverty

·         More than a billion people live on less than a dollar a day, including the vast majority of those without access to safe water.

·         Many women spend 15-20 hours per week collecting water, often walking up to 7 miles in the dry season.

·         At any given time, half of the world’s hospital beds are occupied by patients suffering from a water-related disease.

·         Nearly 90 percent of all diseases in the world are caused by unsafe drinking water, inadequate sanitation, and poor hygiene.

·         Every year, there are 4 billion cases of diarrhea as a direct result of drinking contaminated water; this results in more than 2.2 million deaths each year—the equivalent of 20 jumbo jets crashing every day.

·         The World Bank offers a range of cost estimates to reach “basic levels of coverage…in water and sanitation” to be $9 billion at the low end, and $30 billion a year for “achieving universal coverage” for water and sanitation. They add that the figure “…represents less than five days’ worth of global military spending and less than half what rich countries spend each year on mineral water.”

Knowing the stats and being aware is only part of the solution. We are called to action. Not by Living Water or Blood Water or any organization, but by Jesus in the Scriptures. The call to do justice, love mercy, provide for the poor, and give to the needy is so intertwined with the Christian life, it would be impossible to separate the two. To love God is to love people. To walk with God is to walk with people and show them the love of God. To be a Christian is to be about doing justice and loving mercy.

If you would like to help Living Water, please do. Now. Don’t wait or you won’t do it at all. You can donate to their website. One well cost about $5,000. Would God have you give to that this Christmas instead of piling up some more junk? Could God be calling you to go? I believe we are all called to go, and if we are not going, then we should be sending. All the while, we are all praying that the love of God would be shown throughout the whole world and that people would come and be satisfied with the Living Water.

Sometimes, the pig just likes to wrastle

I have been wanting to do a weekly post highlighting the oilfield word/saying of the week. For those of you on the outside, the oilfield has its own language. Much like there are many different dialects and forms of English, so it is with the oilfield. The terms used to describe normal activities in the oilfield are far from normal or acceptable in crowds with younger ears. For instance, a common procedure when working on a well for safety reasons is ‘nippling up the BOP (blow-out-preventer)’. Now, I’m not saying, but I’m just saying. Another example would be the term used to describe a certain retaining vessel on a drilling rig – a possum belly. These are but two small examples.

The oilfield reminds me of one of my favorite Aggie sayings. From the outside looking in you can’t understand it, and from the inside looking out you can’t explain it. You cannot fully understand it until you have lived in it for a long time, but I want to try to give you a small glimpse into my world for the time being.

This week’s glimpse is a short story told to me by one of our field guys on our way back from lunch. We’ll call him John. In truth, this has nothing to do with the oilfield, but I found it strikingly funny and it was told to me in the oilfield, so it counts.

John was interested in buying a certain type of ATV to ride through the sand hills. He found a rancher that was selling one for $1500. John made a drive to the fella’s ranch with $1500 in his pocket, as he thought that was a fair price. However, John made an offer of $1100 to the rancher. The rancher threw down his hat, cussed and spit a lot, then came back and asked for $1400. John again undercut him and offered $1150. The rancher was infuriated and went about his shenanigans again. This went on for a while and the two finally settled on a price. The rancher then went on to tell John about his pig wrestling days. He told John, “Wrastling pigs ain’t that bad, really. But sometimes, the pig likes to wrastle.”

That was the story that John told me in the truck, and then he busted out laughing like crazy. I laughed hard as well, not because it was funny, but because I wanted to use that phrase in everyday life. ‘Well you know, sometimes the pig just likes to wrastle.’ Look for the opportunity, and let me know if you can use it in everyday language without laughing.

Thoughts on full time missions/ministry

In light of my last post, I have done some thinking, reading, and praying about my desire to one day do full-time ministry/mission of some sort. I borrowed a book this weekend from the legendary library of Nick Langford entitled The Missionary Call. It has been extremely helpful in describing the current climate in missions and the call to missions. That book, along with conversations with multiple people this weekend and the Spirit teaching me through the Word of God has made me realize a few things.

• I am extremely young and naïve at times. I am hardly wise or experienced.
• I do not need to have my whole life figured out right now. I need years of building and growing. I am not ready to take on a full-time ministry position.
• I need to learn to be faithful with what God has given me now, or I will not be faithful with much. If I am not ‘on mission’ now, getting on a plane and selling everything will not make me ready to be ‘on mission’ in a different country/state/city. If I am not sharing Christ with my co-workers now, what makes me think that I will somewhere else?
• If I really want to be about the Kingdom, then I need to be about the Kingdom where God has me now. If He moves me or calls me elsewhere, then I want to be about the Kingdom there. God has me here for the same reason that many of my friends are in other countries on mission – making disciples. How am I doing with my purpose?
• I have made the mistake of desiring a high office. I need to learn to serve and be humbled where I am at, before I take on a role that requires much more service, character, time and sacrifice.
• Sending missionaries and funding ministry is as equally important as going and doing the ministry. Going should not be idolized. Going should not be thought to be only for ‘advanced’ or ‘better’ Christians.
• Prayer is as equally important as going and sending. Praying consistently for missionaries and ministries is a far more humbling role than going or sending.
• Ultimately, this is a matter of following Jesus. Knowing His will and desires for me are best found by getting as close to Him as I can and staying there; resting in knowing Him.

Just some facts and truths that have been revealed to me. I tend to be caught up in a frenzy of passion and thought, and end up not rightly thinking about an issue. My last post was an example of that. I am young, passionate and want to throw myself fully into things, but sometimes I end up not rightly considering the whole story.

Father, help me to see things rightly and to know You. Teach me to be faithful and obedient with the little that you have given me, not so that You’ll give me more one day, but because You love me and gave Yourself for me. Thanks for sticking with me on this dirt road of sanctification and being patient with me. I love you, Dad!

What gets me going

First of all, I am up way too late. It is past 9 p.m. and I am not asleep. This is not normal. Keep reading, because you know it is going to be good if I stayed up past 11 to write this.

We watched a Rob Bell video at Bible Study tonight. He was talking about anger, righteous anger and ways that we respond to situations. He suggested that anger is only a passing emotion, but ultimately how we respond to it makes it right or wrong. More or less, I agree. Jesus was angry and subsequently ran people out of the Temple because they had disrespected and not honored His Father’s house. His anger at this injustice, or misdeed, or sin, led him to do something about it. His anger moved Him to action to right the wrong, hold up the cause for the oppressed, fight the case of injustice, etc.

Rob quickly transitioned to talking about how we decide our careers, life directions, passions, or whatever you call it. Often, people will ask you, ‘What is it that you love to do?’ to help you determine what it is that you should pursue. Or, ‘What are you passionate about.’ I have written before that I am not sure that I can answer that question. I am not real certain what I am passionate about. Rob suggested asking instead, “What makes you angry? What is it that stirs within you a desire to go right a wrong, or begin something that no one is paying any attention to? What is it that makes you think, ‘Man somebody should really do something about that.’”

I feel like I might be able to answer that question easier than, ‘What are you passionate about?’ In some ways, these questions ask the same thing, because anger and passion/love are both emotions. They both are an emotional response to situations, people, etc. Obviously, they are different, but when referring to life direction, they convey the same thought. What gets you going? Something clicked when he asked that question like it never did when I have been asked, “What are you passionate about?”

I hate injustice. I want people to get a fair shake at it. I want others to have what I have, whether that is opportunities, chances, food, drink, or medicine. I want others to have clean drinking water. I want diarrhea not to kill over 20,000 people a day worldwide, when I can buy Pepto-Bismol at any gas station for the change I find on the way from my truck to the store. I want others to have the knowledge of our Savior. I want them to have the same opportunity to accept or reject Him as King, Messiah and Lord. I want equality. I hate these injustices. I think it is wrong, and I want to do something about it.

This week I have been thinking a lot about Living Water. I am currently working with them on getting trained to go and drill water wells. I am planning on making a trip this next year at least once. But more than just doing it once or twice, I want to do something like that full-time. I want to be on mission. I want to spread the gospel. I do not want to just have a successful career in the oil field. I want to see a need in the world and live my life to fill that need and to open the door for the gospel message to go forth.

This week I have been thinking about the call of the first disciples as I have worked through John 1 and 2. Immediate obedience to the call. I have been praying that God would open doors for me to go. I have been praying that I would be willing to be obedient to the call. I have been praying that this would be from God and not just my human desires to do something cool with my life. I have been praying for favor.

This week I have been thinking about living my life for more. I do not want to work 80% - 90% of my life to give away the other 10% - 20%. I want to give my whole life away. 100%. I do not want to just live a good life and die well remembered. I want more, and I think that it is from God. I think that we all should want our lives to be so much more. I know that the answer to this is to follow God.

When John and Andrew began to follow Jesus in John 1 after he had been baptized, Jesus asked them what they were seeking. They called him Rabbi or Teacher and asked him where he was staying. In essence, they responded that they were seeking truth and seeking to be taught and follow Him. Of course, Jesus does not respond in a straight forward manner. He did not tell them where He was going or what He was doing. Jesus told them to follow him and they would see where he was staying. He did not tell them where they were going. He only bid them come, and come they did. Obedience. Immediate.

That is what I want. When Jesus says come, I want to go immediately. When He calls, I want to answer. That is what gets me going.

A change in direction

I have been without direction and purpose in reading the Bible, but am trying something new. I am trying a change in direction. In the past, I have tried to read a certain number of passages/chapters/books per day/week/month. This works well at certain times, but it has become dry to me. I have decided to take in smaller amounts of Scripture at a time in an effort to digest them better. It is kind of like eating and being fed; sure you can get full by stuffing your face, but do you enjoy the taste and texture of the food? Do you actually get a sense of how the food was supposed to taste and nourish? Sure, there are times when you have to scarf food down, but a meal is much more enjoyable when slowly eaten and appreciated. I would much rather slowly get full and enjoy the tastes and textures of the food. Same with the Word of God. I tend to read it like a newspaper or a book that I am just trying to finish. I try to get the high points and the general flow without actually getting lost in the story. I want to get lost in the meaning of Scripture and truly taste and see that the LORD and His Word are good. Not a perfect analogy, but it will work for now.

My plan is to sit and dwell on a verse or verses at a time. I want to get into what the Author is trying to convey, what the words he uses mean, and how it fits into the meta-narrative of the Bible. I want to look up cross references and truly study the Word of God. God has revealed himself in the world (creation) and His Word. I want to know God by knowing His Word. So, I am starting in John. I will try to share some of what I am learning as I go.

John 1 is a powerful and dense piece of writing. The book of John is written by the Apostle John many years after the other three gospels were written. John wrote to add to the testimony and witness that Jesus of Nazareth truly was the Messiah and the Son of God. He uses personal and detailed accounts of experiences with Jesus and his disciples to prove and convey that this God-man was the promised anointed one (the Messiah, the Christ). John begins by speaking about the nature of God – Trinitarian in nature. Jesus (called the Word) has always existed, was with God (implying that he was distinct from God), and was God (not many gods, but one God with three distinct beings). The Trinity is one of the most baffling and complicated issues in the accepted doctrines of Christianity. Another is that Jesus was fully God and fully man (how does 1+1=1?). These are hard to understand, but I do not want to go into these, quite yet.

John continues by talking about John the Baptist. John the Baptist was sent by God to be a witness of the coming Messiah, Jesus. One thing that I noted when reading this was that John the Baptist obeyed. He just did what God called Him to do. John the Baptist will go on to say later that he did not even know Jesus, but was fully assured of what God had called him to do – be a messenger/witness/herald/ambassador for the coming of the Christ, Jesus. John the Baptist was to be the ‘voice in the wilderness, preparing the way of the LORD.’ God had told him very little about the Christ, but had given John enough to trust and obey. I just got caught up in the fact that John the Baptist just obeyed and did what God called him to do. John the Baptist was somewhat a radical and ostracized for living in the wilderness, baptizing people, telling them to repent of their sins for the coming of Messiah is near, and speaking about things that had yet to happen. John the Baptist was counter-cultural and unashamed. I love that!

Jesus said of John the Baptist that he was the greatest man born of a woman to have ever lived. Wow. John the Baptist got it. Remember that the disciples still thought until the death of Jesus on the cross that Jesus was going to bring an earthly Kingdom with military, political and social power. However, John the Baptist said when he saw Jesus for the first time, ‘This is the Lamb of God who will take away the sins of the world.’ John the Baptist got it. He knew that Jesus came to save the world from their sins not to overtake it and bring the Jews to power. John the Baptist was a man. He got it.

John the Baptist was not after getting followers or disciples, because as soon as Jesus showed up John’s disciples left to follow Jesus. That’s a change in direction. John the Baptist was a man. He pointed people to Jesus, the one who could save their souls. Let us be men and women like that.

Let us make disciples of Jesus. Let us not point people to ourselves. Let us obey immediately when God calls, trusting that He will provide what we need. Let us be convinced that Jesus is the light that cannot be overcome by the darkness. Let us be convinced that Jesus is the promised Anointed one who came to take away the sins of the world. Let us be doers of the Word and not just readers/hearers.

Father, help me to love Your Word.

Notes from Midland thus far

1) This past weekend I as officially welcomed into West Texas. I was invited to go with a buddy (yes, I’m beginning to make friends) to some land out in Big Spring to shoot clays, learn to drive a back-hoe, weld and other manly things. Now, if there is anything more manly and more West Texas than blasting things out of the air, driving a 50 year old machine, melting metal together and eating Whataburger, then I don’t know what it is. It was  a lot of fun and has stirred in me my first desire ever to hunt.

2) One thing about the oil business (especially in a boom, like we are entering into) is that I could eat free lunch just about every day if I wanted to. One of our service companies is always wanting to pay for lunch, so that we’ll continue to pay for their services. I thought college was the time to get free food, but I’m beginning to think that now is primetime for that. At first, I kind of felt bad about it, but now I feel slighted when I don’t get lunch paid for. (which reveals how selfish and arrogant I have become in the past few months…more on this later) It’s just the way it goes out here.

3) There are literally 327 Mexican food restaurants in Midland. I have eaten at about 5 at this point, and I have not come across one that I don’t like. I come from College Station, where there is only 1 or 2 decent Mexican food places around. I could definitely get used to this. I’m not sure that any of them compare to Café del Rio in Lufkin, Texas, but they are getting close.

4) Finding a church and community is not as easy as I thought it would be, but God has begun to provide and it is awesome. I have basically nailed down a church home here at First Baptist Midland. I wrote a couple of weeks ago about a man, Dennis Perry, who I met early on. He has been a true blessing in my life thus far, especially outside of the church by inviting me to a Bible Study at his home with other young 20-somethings. I have begun to find friends and some brothers to invest my life in. First Baptist is a great church who is known for their missions and giving all across the state (mostly because of the wealth due to oil). I am looking forward to getting involved in community and service through this local body of believers. Sure, it is not a perfect church by any means, but I know that God is present and that there are genuine believers present.

5) I truly am enjoying (most days) being a Petroleum Engineer. I have found pleasure and joy in my work, even when I see how fleeting it is, in and of itself. I know ultimately that God is using this career move for His glory and my sanctification, so I can find purpose in the toil. I am beginning to understand what it is that I actually do (I get more questions about what it is that I actually do on a day-to-day basis, and up to this point I have not been able to give a good explanation).  I am beginning to understand what is actually going on and how things get done around the oil field. I am beginning to settle in to being a young professional engineer. God has given this sense of purpose and mission, because if I am being honest I find most of life very vain, especially work.

6) I am extremely selfish. This has always been true, and if you are being honest you are too; we all have a bent to hoard, protect our own and not give up of ourselves. It is nothing new; I have just finally seen it playing out in my life. As a single man with no real outside obligations other than work, it is extremely easy to be completely selfish with my time, money, talents, etc. I have never been more generous with money and yet so selfish at the same time. I have never been so selfish with what little time that I have. I have never been so aware of how arrogant, selfish and broken I am as I have the past few days. I find myself thinking all the time about what I could purchase, what I want to do with my money, and how I want to save or make money. I am praying that God would take the words ‘my’, ‘mine’ and ‘me’ out of my vocabulary. I am so self-centered nowadays and desire sanctification in this area. I want to see everything that I have as God’s, to be used for His Kingdom and not mine. I know that this is true, but I have not been living like it. I can see what Jesus meant when He said, “it is hard for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.” Riches cloud my mind, my apartment and my hearts desires and leave no room for God to inhabit.

I have a great brother and friend who is also blogging these days. He wrote an exceptional word the other day about the meaninglessness of words vs. taking action. Ultimately, these words mean nothing until I allow God to refine by His grace in this area and many more by action. I desire action and not passivity. I desire to continue moving forward down this dirt road of sanctification, albeit at a slow pace it seems sometimes.

7) The momentum and freshness is slowing down and wearing off. Midland and Chevron are both fairly new still, but are beginning to become the norm. I can honestly say that for the first 2+ months here I sought after God hard and relied heavily on Him. However, these past few weeks have been a backtrack in my walk. I have found myself more self-reliant and capable, which has allowed pride to sneak in to my heart. I do not feel the need for God as I once did. I do not have the passion for His Word as I once did. I do not have the discipline as I once did.

I am thankful that God has made me aware of these things, but I desire to know Him more than I do right now. I want more intimacy, more closeness, and more passion for Him than I have ever had. I sat in church this morning feeling completely empty, when on the outside life is going better than it has ever been. I want the opposite to be true. I want to be completely filled with God even when nothing is going right. I want to be completely satisfied and content even when the world is caving in around me. I pray that this would be a reality in my life, God! Sanctify me in Your truth, Your Word is truth!

Vision

I have been thinking and praying often about vision recently. Great leaders and people who truly make a difference in their worlds have vision. They may not clearly see all that is coming, and certainly are not able to foresee the future, but they do understand where they are going and what they are going to be about. People are only willing to follow leaders with vision. People without vision can wander aimlessly through life seeking who knows what.

One, I do not feel like I have vision for my life.

What I do know is that I could do many different things and be happy or content. I could spend my life in the oil industry (which I have found to be a mission field in itself) and be fully satisfied and convinced that God placed me there. I could go to seminary and be fully convinced and satisfied that He desire me be a pastor or evangelist of some sort. I could forsake all worldly comforts and go be a missionary in a foreign country and be fully satisfied and convinced that God placed me there. The point that I am trying to make is that I could do a lot of different things, because God has gifted me in this way, but I want to do what God wants me to do.

None of these choices for my life is inherently evil or good in and of itself. I might even argue that God would not get any more glory by me doing any one of these choices over the other ones. He ultimately gets glory from my life by my submission and obedience to His will and desires for my life. I obviously want God to be glorified to the greatest degree possible in my life, but I know that sometimes God uses death to get that glory (see Jim Elliot, Stephen the martyr, John Paton, etc.).

Two, I want to have a vision for my life of what God desires for me.

I know that when God blesses me with a wife one day, I need to have a vision (some would call it a plan) of what God has for us, where He is taking us, and what we are to be about. I know that I need to have a vision of how to raise kids in the admonition and fear of the LORD. I know that I need to have a vision of what my career path is. I know that I need a goal of some sort to work towards or I will wander aimlessly through successive jobs.

Three, I know that God has plans for my life and an overarching mission.

Jeremiah 29:11 (probably the most quoted verse by marginal believers other than Romans 8:28 or John 3:16) lays this out clearly. The overarching mission of my life is to make disciples of all nations, baptizing them and teaching them to obey God’s Word. (Matthew 28:19-20) This gives me a sense of stability even while I lack vision as to the specifics.

I was talking with a true brother the other day on my journey to Waco (a true Jonathan in my life). He is currently seeking God’s will for his life as well. He is pursuing a young woman and desires that their lives, separately and jointly, give the most glory to God. He is currently weighing his options and wants to choose the one that gives the most glory to God. My words to him were that God would get glory, no matter what the choice was. He was worried about the specifics, but ultimately knew that God desired obedience to His call on their lives. It seemed so easy to say to him that his choice did not matter and ultimately God will get glory because of their obedience, because it was not my life, my emotions, my complications or my decision. However, when it comes to my life, I squander in indecision and lack of vision.

I have another great friend whose mom is very sick right now. My words to her were that our Father knows (Matthew 6) our situations, and He is working them out for our good and sanctification into the image of His Son. (Romans 8:28-39) It is so easy for me to say these things to her, because it is not my mom who is sick or my family who is hurting. I know that these verses are true, but when it comes to hard things in my life, I still squander in indecision and lack of vision.

Sometimes all we need is to take a step back from everything to see what is going on. I think that is why it is easy for me to speak truth into their lives in the midst of their troubles and situations, but hard for me to see the same truths in my own life. This is why we need community around us. I need brothers in my life that will speak truth, rub off the rough edges, call me out when I am in the wrong and love me no matter what happens. I need men that will not be impressed with me, but impressed with what God has done in me, in spite of me. I need people in my life that know Jesus and desire him above all else. I was reminded of this after getting to be around a true brother over the weekend that has been this in my life for the past three years. What a blessing it was!

Let us seek community. Let us seek His vision for our life. Let us seek God, above all else!

You Redeem

Here's a song that has been in the works for a long time, but finally came together about a week ago. It's called You Redeem. Again, don't judge the quality too much, but appreciate the words and the truth that God does redeem and give life. Hope you enjoy!

Rescued

I wanted to share with you all a song that I wrote over the weekend. The recording is kinda rough, mostly because it's just me, my guitar, a microphone connected to my old computer. It's amazing that I can even do this with my worn out computer. But nevertheless, I hope that you enjoy it and can relate to the words.

What an awesome truth that those who are in Christ Jesus truly have been rescued from the domain of darkness and brought into the Kingdom of our Heavenly Father! Celebrate it with me!

His Faithfulness

How good is our God to provide what we need even when we do not see life as from His hands! How faithful is our God even we are utterly faithless! How sinful of creatures are we to doubt his unfailing love!

I went to First Baptist Midland yesterday for church, or should I say, God placed me there for a specific purpose. I showed up for a small group before the main service. I was the first to walk into the room where a man was drawing directions on a white board. I introduced myself to Dennis Perry, a very unassuming man by most standards. However, something was noticeably different about him. He had the warmest smile and a certain air about him that made even the shyest person comfortable. We got to talking about the group and the church and got to laughing very quickly. We shared the basics about ourselves and quickly discovered something that we shared in common: Breakaway.

Dennis, many years ago, was a youth minister (in the Dallas area, I believe) and would have kids come hang out at his house on certain nights of the week. A certain high school kid named Greg Matte came to these groups and was saved at Dennis’ home. Greg went on to A&M and started a similar small Bible Study in his apartment. Slowly that Bible study grew from a few buddies to a pretty big group to larger than he could have ever imagined. Years later, that Bible Study would grow to over 5,000 people and would be affectionately called Breakaway. Today, Breakaway is the single largest on-campus Bible Study in the nation and is held every Tuesday night on the campus of Texas A&M. All through this, Dennis was mentoring Greg and even served on the board for Breakaway until about 5 years ago when Greg stepped down to pastor FBC Houston.

Breakaway, and specifically Ben Stuart, has had a huge impact on my life. Ben was faithful to preach the Word of God and to challenge us to hunger and thirst for God. I have learned so much about the Word of God through Breakaway. I would not be where I am today if not for Breakaway and the faithfulness of some broken people who have been redeemed by Jesus’ blood.

Now, through those many years of being a full-time minister, I am sure that Dennis would say that there were times of struggle and ineffective ministry. However I would say that Dennis was faithful and specifically that our God remained faithful to accomplish His purposes through broken people who are seeking Him. God was faithful to bring a kid to salvation in a little home group, to start a ministry that changes countless college kids’ lives each semester, to lead one of the largest churches in the state and so much more. How great is our God!

Dennis took the time to introduce me to everyone in the class and then after the service to introduce me to a number of 20-somethings in the oil field that also attend FBC. He made sure that I got connected and felt welcome. I will never forget that morning for many reasons. Dennis also has a group of 20-somethings men who meet at his house on Thursday nights; he invited me.

God seems to provide in our lives when we are desperate and have reached the end. I hinted at it in my last post, but I was really fighting loneliness and fear that I would never get connected here in Midland. I was worried that I would never find friends, a church and some community to be real with. I was beginning to doubt that God knew my situation and needs. I was close to giving up.

But God…    (Ephesians 2:4,1-10)

But God…in His love, sent His Son to die the death that I deserved. But God…knew that I would not be good enough and sent His Son to fulfill the Law that I could not. But God…is rich in mercy and does not give me what I deserve. But God…saw me even in my filth and sickness and looked upon me with love. But God…made a way for me and provided. But God…knew that I would end up in Midland, Texas alone and would need community and friends. But God…knew that I would end up at FBC Midland and meet Dennis. But God…knew. He knows. He really does. He truly is faithful.

Just Thinking

Currently, I am fighting the first spat of loneliness that I have felt since being here in Midland. I have been running around like a crazy man since I started my job some 2 months ago. There have been times of relaxation and chilling out, but I have been very active and have not allowed myself to settle in. For some reason, this place still feels transient to me, even though I could be living here for the next 4 years. But today, I have finally slowed down. I am not going anywhere this weekend, nor do I have big plans like I have most of the time that I have been here. That’s partly why this has come on. Also, my time in the Word has suffered this week, and therefore I have suffered. I knew that rough times were coming and were inevitable, but I never seem to see them coming.

This week at work, I have been in Horizons training, which is the training program for new-hires at Chevron. We spent most of the week talking about who Chevron is, how we fit into the organization, and how to maximize our time with Chevron. Overall, it was the best training that I have had thus far. This was the first time that I was around 20-something year old new-hires and not 30-year veterans of the company. We spent a lot of time talking about career management, development as individuals, and adding value to the company. This training has got me thinking, so I am going to process some of it here.

Career of Moves – One major theme that was shared was that Chevron hires people for a career and not just a job. The company rewards longevity and perseverance. They are making an investment in people, and want us to return on that investment with a long, productive career making money for Chevron. One thing that I have become aware of is that I could have a ton of different jobs within Chevron in a ton of different locations all over the world. Chevron likes to move its people around to develop them into well-rounded people. At this point in my life, I know that this is where God wants me to be, but I really need to pray about if I really want to be moving my family (assuming I get to that stage) every 2 years and dragging them around the world. That’s going to take a trusting, loyal and patient wife to put up with me chasing the oil fields. Is it worth it? How could God use that? Is it something that I want?

Set for life – Needless to say, Chevron compensates its employees very well, especially if you stay with the company your whole career. A comment was made at one point that struck me. One of our upper managers said that we are set for life. We have every opportunity within Chevron to make tons of money, grow as a person, and be successful in other areas of life. By all measures, the path is clearly laid out to retire rich, fat, and comfortable. Is that what I want? Do I want the burden of having that much? Would this be the best way for me to glorify God? I know that God will use me no matter what, but is this my path?

Talent, Organization, Passions – One of the models discussed was the T.O.P. model. The point was to determine what your talents are (skill set), what your passions are (interests), and what the organization needs. Where all three of these match up in your job, then you are going to be very satisfied and useful. Another way of saying it is that the company has a need for you to do something that you are good at and enjoy doing. That really got me thinking. I have hated the question, “What are you passionate about?” my whole life. For some reason, I can never put into words the aching of my heart most of the time. I have begun to see some of my talents, skills, and potentials, but I am not fully certain as to what my passions/interests are. I know that whatever I put my mind to, I can find a way to accomplish it, and so the talent portion does not worry me. However, I could spend years doing something that I only do because I have the capability to do it. I want to do something that I am passionate about, whatever that means. I want to want to do what I do. I know that ultimately my life will be about spreading the gospel, wherever I find myself. I want to help people. I want to be on a mission. I want to do something epic with my life. I want to have a major impact. I want to be unknown though. I want to be a giver. I want to be radical.  Is Chevron a company that will allow me to align my passions and talents with their needs? What are my passions? Can I be in the oil industry and have the Kingdom impact that I want to?

Sorry if this is really scattered. I mostly just wanted to get this out of my head and onto paper. I also wanted to give you a glimpse into what’s going on. If you have any thoughts or ideas, please respond. I would love to hear some wisdom and understanding.

What is Salvation?

I was asked on a previous post by Anonymous, “What is salvation according to the Bible? How can one have assurance?” If you are the anonymous commenter, I would like to talk to you rather than just write you a response. My phone number is (936)465-7616, but since you probably will not call, I will do my best to answer those questions here.

I got to looking in the Bible to get references to quote and not just canned phrases that I have grown up on, and I found that I want to quote the whole New Testament. If you are questioning your salvation or wanting to be saved, I would commend actually reading the Bible and not just taking my word for it. Check out the Bereans (Acts 17:10-15). Read the Gospels; Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Read Romans, but when you get confused and overwhelmed by that, read Ephesians and Galatians. Read Acts, which is the story of the Church proclaiming Jesus as the Christ immediately following the death and resurrection of Jesus. Jesus, if you do not know, is the central figure on which the whole Bible, all of Christianity, and salvation focuses. Read any part of the New Testament and you will be saturated with Scripture on salvation.

I will do my best to explain salvation here, but truly, you should allow the Holy Spirit and teachers much wiser than I to teach you through the Word of God. There are so many terms that need to be defined and expounded on with other Scripture that I would have to write a book to fully explain it. Some of these include grace, mercy, love, sin, hell, God, redemption, propitiation, repentance, and so many more. Since the Scriptures are already written (as well as numerous other great books), I will allow them and the Holy Spirit to expound on these truths.

What is salvation according to the Bible?

·         Salvation is a free gift from God. (Ephesians 2:8, Titus 3:4-7, Romans 6:23)

·         Salvation is the Great Exchange; we get Jesus’ righteousness and He takes on our sin; we get heaven and He takes on the judgment and wrath that we deserved because of our sin. (1 John 2:2)

·         Salvation is God redeeming His people back to Himself. (Colossians 1:14)

·         Salvation is about God’s people being restored back into a right relationship with God. Salvation is God coming to get us. Salvation is passing from death to life. (Colossians 1:13, 1 John 3:14)

·         Salvation is having a hope for eternity with God. Salvation is by grace through faith, not by works. (Ephesians 2:8-9)

·         Salvation is not earned, merited, or deserved, but is given to us by the mercy of God. (Romans 9:14-18, 2 Corinthians 4:4-6, Romans 3:28)

·         Salvation comes through believing that Jesus is the Christ, the promised Savior, that He lived a perfect life and fulfilled the Law that we could not, that He died on the cross for your sins, that He rose from the dead, beating sin and death, and that His perfect blood sacrifice pays the debt that you owed God because of your sin. (Romans 3:23, Acts 13:38-39, Acts 10:43, Romans 8:3-4)

·         Salvation is about repentance, turning from our wicked ways to God. (Acts 2:38-39)

How can one have assurance?

·         A changed heart, which amounts to changed behavior. However, changing your behavior in hopes of changing your heart is not Biblical and leads to death. (1 John 3:6, Romans 6, Romans 7:4, Ephesians 2:10, Titus 2:11-14, and many more)

·         The gift of the Holy Spirit. (Acts 2:38-39, Titus 3:4-7, Acts, and many more)

·         Keeping His commandments. (John 17:3, 1 John 2:3, 1 John 3:24, and many more)

There are so many more assurances and evidences talked about in the Bible, but we have to be careful that we seek not the assurance of salvation and the evidences of salvation. We seek to know God and get God; not just get the benefits, the proof, and the stuff. Salvation is about God’s merciful, and gracious love, not our boasting that we have received it.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life.”  - John 3:16

“But God shows His love for us, that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”  Romans 5:8

My prayer for you is that God would move in your heart to cause you to desire to know Him, love Him, and pursue Him with all of your life, because he knew you, loved you, and has, was, and is pursuing you, even now.

True Celebration

I spent this past weekend in College Station visiting my family, my Pine Cove Ranch family, a number of good friends, as well as the sights and sounds of Aggieland. One of the many benefits of working for Chevron is a 9/80 schedule, which allows me to get every other Friday off. I used this opportunity to bolt on down to see most everybody.

This was my first trip back since graduating, so in truth I had more people to see than I had time to. I was stretched thin all weekend, so if you are reading this and I did not get to spend time with you, I apologize.

What a blessing it was to get to reconnect with so many wonderful people from Pine Cove Ranch! It was so great to hear how everybody is doing and get to share what God has been doing in my life. I am kind of a novelty in that group, because I am on of the few who has graduated. I cannot tell you how many times I was asked, “How is the real world?”, “How is West Texas?”, or “How is it being a real man?” I loved getting to share that God has provided just what I have needed and is working even in this place.

Seeing my family was also such a blessing, as always. Words cannot express the joy they bring into my life.

Going back helped me realize what I had when I lived in College Station: bountiful, solid community. Honestly, to some degree I had forgotten about all of the people that have had such an influence in my life that still live there. These people include family, Pine Cove people, friends, and especially the community at Living Hope. I am completely worn out emotionally from telling what God is doing in my life, because I have an extremely low word-count. (My theory is that every person has a number of words that he/she uses on a normal day, and once he/she uses that amount, then he/she either clams up or speaks very little. Men have much lower word-counts than women do on average.) Because I have a relatively low word-count and am very independent in nature, it took all I had to continue to share the same stories and experiences with sincerity. However, it was important to remind others of how faithful our God is.

Saturday morning at the tailgate, about six of us were tossing around the football in Spence Park. I tried to be cool and volleyball set the football to a buddy, but ended up hitting my forehead with the football and flinging my Aggie Ring off. I saw it fly off, but was unable to find it right away. We looked all around for about 45 minutes with no luck. At one point, I noticed that there were about 20 people helping us look for my hard-earned, key into the Aggie Network; old men, women and children whom none of us knew, were down on their hands and knees searching for this sacred piece of jewelry. I decided that if we could not find it, then a random passer-by could not either, so we left it in Spence Park until after the game. Any true Aggie would turn it in if they found it, so I was not worried at all.

After the Aggies tried to play football, we piled up and went to buy a metal detector at Academy. When I set it on the counter to pay for it, the girl at the register asked if I had lost my Aggie ring. Apparently, Academy in College Station only sells metal detectors to people who have lost their Aggie Ring. Who knew?

We finally got back to ground zero. At this point in the day, there were still hundreds of people tailgating in Spence Park. We were throwing the football on a hill opposite of the main tailgating area, so most everyone could see us searching for it. About 2 minutes into the search with the metal detector, it beeped. We all gathered tightly around Monty. We heard people in Spence Park start talking, “They found something!”  Will reached down and held up that expensive, costly piece of gold as the rest of us jumped for joy and screamed. The next thing we know, all of Spence Park erupted into a cheer that lasted about 30 seconds. They (most of them drunk…) were so excited that we had found what we were looking for. It was such a crazy and incredible experience that I am getting goose bumps just writing about it.

So is it in Heaven. Jesus said in Luke 15:7, concerning the lost but found sheep:

“Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in Heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.”

Likewise in Luke 15: 10, concerning the lost, but found coin:

“Just so, I tell you, there is joy before the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

Moreover, the same in Luke 15: 32, concerning the return of the prodigal son:

“It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found.”

I have a couple of men at work right now who are dreadful sinners in need of a Savior, but are beginning to ask questions about sin, Christianity, and Jesus. I cannot wait for God to move in their hearts and bring them from death to life. What a celebration it will be one day!

Ancient Paths - The Way Everlasting

My grandparents came into town this weekend to spend some time with me. A number of years ago, my Papa lived in Odessa as a young child. Early in his career, he lived here in Midland working for an oil company. My Meme also lived here for a short time, and Midland, Texas was the first place that my grandparents met. (I know they have told me the stories multiple times, but I do not want to butcher the details here, so I will refrain from the specifics…)

We went driving around different parts of Midland and Odessa. Partly I was showing them around, partly they were showing me around, but mostly we were spending time together; laughing, sharing stories, gleaning wisdom and enjoying the West Texas Plains. I showed them my office and some of the places that I already have a connection. We drove by the church where my Papa was baptized as a young man. We found the courthouse downtown where Papa had met Meme one afternoon to tell her that he was being transferred out of Midland. They both remembered that afternoon as if it was yesterday; it was a pivotal point in their relationship, not to mention my existence. We spent Saturday afternoon driving around the ‘old town’ looking for old houses that they had lived in. This endeavor was far less successful than the previous destinations, considering the fact we had no clue what streets they lived on, only general areas. They told me that in 35 years I’ll get to have my revenge on my kids or grandkids (oh my goodness!!!) by showing them all of my old places.

The rest of the weekend was spent looking at photographs from their travels to the Scandinavian part of Europe, drinking black coffee, sharing a wonderful breakfast together fresh from the kitchen of yours truly, attending FBC Midland where they both had attended some 53 years ago and saying our goodbyes. Meme and Papa are not shy about sharing advice and wisdom, although sometimes it is veiled in a story or experience that they had when they were younger. Meme is passionate about missions and spreading the gospel to our communities as well as the nations, so she naturally encourages me to get involved as much as I can. Papa is a giver and loves to serve, and he quietly, but boldly challenges me to do the same.

One experience that I do not think I will ever forget happened as they were leaving my apartment. Papa had loaded all of the stuff in the car, and he was eager to get on the road on schedule (like most Smith men). Meme was telling me a story about some pastor, I am sure. Papa could have easily said, “Sandra, alright that’s enough. It’s time to get on the road.” However, he stood there and patiently listened to his wife tell the story, which he had probably already heard. Meme finished her story and reached for a package out of nowhere. Meme had bought Papa a book by Bruce Wilkinson entitled You Were Born for This. Now I have never read the book, but apparently, it is about being a giver. Meme handed it to Papa along with a handwritten note on flowery card. He was thankful for the gift and leaned over and kissed my Meme right on the lips; right in front of me. Even after 50+ years, they still love each other and want to continue to build one another up. Papa then commented that he would mail me the book once he read it: a true giver. Neither of them realized what they had just done, but both had showed their love through either their patience or their service to the other.

At my current age, I cherish my time with them, because I am starting to see the Godly example that they have been to myself, my cousins, my parents, my aunts and uncles, friends in their church, members of their community, coworkers for many years and so many countless others. God only knows the impact that they have had through their generosity, faithfulness, commitment and service. I know that I will model how I spend my money, time and talents after Ray and Sandra Smith.

Again, I found myself extremely thankful and blessed this afternoon after they left, just as I did about a month ago when my parents left. Not only do I have parents that love the Lord and have modeled what it looks like to follow Jesus with my life, but I have a wonderful set of grandparents who have done the same.

Father, thank you for Godly parents and grandparents who understand Your grace. Help me to follow their examples and seek their wisdom. Continue to open my eyes to Your goodness in my life.

“Thus says the LORD: “Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls.”                - Jeremiah 6:16

“Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!”                   - Psalm 139:23-24

Adventures in Diversity

Since being in Midland, I have had quite the adventure. I have been thrust into all kinds of strange experiences and been put in situations quite different from what I am used to. Take for example my search for a church thus far.

I grew up in a traditional Southern Baptist Church. All the standard Baptist stuff came along with that, especially a solid foundation in the Word of God and the Supremacy of God. At Texas A&M, I went to a solid Baptist church, where I learned about what it is to have an incredible community of believers. I was also surrounded by the infamous ‘Christian bubble’ at A&M, and was probably a ringleader in some ways. I thought I was somewhat cultured when it came to churches, but I was dead wrong.

My first week in Midland, I went to a mega-church, with multiple two-thousand people services each Sunday. I really enjoyed the music and preaching, but I felt like I was at a national conference of some kind. Everything was so well put together and almost too perfect. It did not really feel like a place that I could call home. Everyone shuffled in and participated or watched and then shuffled out. It just seemed kind of fake and shallow to me. Side note: At this particular church, they have stations set up in the foyer (or atrium, commons, etc.) where you can give tithes and offerings by swiping your credit card; foreign and strange to me for sure, although it may be a good idea after all.

For two weeks I went to a church that would fall into the “Spirit-filled” or “full-gospel” church category. This particular one is large (at least compared to what I am used to). I loved the energy and passion in worship, but I was left wanting when it came to preaching the Word of God. I went to a community group on a weekday night, thinking that I would just dive in somewhere without actually praying about it, and enjoyed the company of both married couples that were there. I enjoyed it, but know that God has somewhere else for me. Side note: This church offers a “Holy Spirit Baptism Class” to learn about being baptized with the Holy Spirit; incredibly foreign and strange to me, and could be taught in error.

This past week I made plans to go to a small Baptist Church just down the road. I showed up for Sunday School about five minutes early and saw about 8 Crown Victoria’s parked in the lot. I figured that if there were any young people in Sunday school, they might not be the type that I would connect with, so I decided to come back for the main service later. I went to HEB to drink some coffee and read, and I randomly met a man who was very interested in what I was doing. We chatted about Scripture for a little bit and inevitably, he asked where I went to church. I explained my situation and he went on to suggest a church that he had previously attended. I obliged and followed him to a small church on the south side of town.

I walked in about 25 minutes late to a crowd of about 60 people; I stuck out like a sore thumb because I was a young, single white man, of which the crowd gathered was not many of those descriptors. The singing was very simple, the crowd very diverse, and the Spirit very present. This church could also fall under the category of ‘Spirit-filled’ or ‘full-gospel’. There were many a hallelujah, testimonies and hands-raised high, which suit me just fine, honestly. I did see someone speak in tongues for the first time (although, I just thought it was Spanish at first, but found out later that it was not) as well as the pastor healing a couple of people after the service. I was welcomed into the church like a long lost brother, and went to eat lunch with the Pastor and two other couples after the service. Side note: I have never felt that welcome or wanted in a place before, but I do have some issue with some of the teaching there.

Earlier this week I got into a conversation with a man at work one afternoon. We were just chatting about whatever, and eventually I asked him about church and God. He explained that he grew up Catholic, but has been involved in a number of other fellowships in the past ten or so years. Currently, he has become involved with a Hebrewan Fellowship west of Midland, which I have never even heard of. As best I could understand his explanation of these fellowships, they focus mostly on the Torah (first 5 books of the Bible, the Law) and on getting things back to the way that they used to be. We ended up talking for about an hour about it all, and had I not been completely ignorant of the Hebrewan Fellowships, we would have talked further about some of the things I had issue with. He thinks it is sinful to worship on Sunday, because Sabbath was originally on Saturday (or the 7^th day of the week). He focuses on keeping the Law and spoke of Jesus as merely a man, and not the Son of God who fulfilled the Law. It was an interesting afternoon.

The next day, I met a nice man out in the field doing some work for us who is Church of Christ. He seemed to love the Lord and encouraged me to stay strong in the midst of a dark place. We only were able to talk for about 20 minutes, so I had no issue with anything he believes other than what I generally know about Church of Christ.

Most of my encounters have been with non-believers, agnostics, or atheists, which is truly strange coming out of the ‘Christian bubble’ at A&M, where almost everyone claims to be a Christian. I have truly loved getting to talk about Jesus and the church with non-believers, because they tend to be a little more real and honest than most believers. They have no reservations in denying Christianity and the gospel, but need Jesus all the same.

I have also talked to a number of nominal Christians, who have no idea of what the Bible really says and what the gospel is all about. These are the hardest for me to converse with, because they play the part well, but truly do not understand most of what they are saying or doing. Still they need Jesus just as much as I do.

The number of solid Christians that I have met is small. The number within that group that I feel connected to is even smaller, if it exists at all. I know that God will provide that community in His time, so I will wait patiently and continue to seek Him and community.

I have had quite the first month here in Midland. Satan is trying to use all of these crazy experiences to make me doubt my faith. No doubt, being here has caused me to question some things. Why are there so many denominations, styles and preferences? Is there more than one that is right? Is having most of the true doctrines enough? Am I going about finding a church in a non-consumer way, as I want to? What is the Spirit’s role in all of this? Have I been missing it? etc. However, I know that ultimately all of these experiences are about my sanctification, so I am using this time to seek truth and beg for answers or peace from God. It would be easy to allow Satan to gain a foothold of doubt and cynicism, but I know that this is for my good. It is times like this when I have to stick to the basics: God’s Word, prayer, and community.

In the past when I was surrounded by Christians, I often was stuck in a rut, wondering what it is that I should be reading or studying in the Bible and outside of it. Now, I know the things that I need to be praying about and studying, because I have non-Christians and marginal believers asking questions and presenting false-teachings that need to be corrected. What an opportunity God has given me!

Father, guide and sanctify me in truth; Your Word is truth. Reveal the errors in my understanding and the inconsistencies in my life. Open my eyes to the beauty of Your Word. Help me to love the people around me, by praying for them, preaching the gospel and seeking to meet their needs. Use Midland, Texas and the oil field to refine me.

Grace

This summer at Pine Cove I had the chance to share the testimony of God’s grace in my life to all of the 6^th graders one night. I cannot explain to you how amped up I was to get to explain what God has done in my life to those young men and women. The purpose of the talk (and the true essence of a testimony) was to talk about how the Gospel has impacted my life and what my response is to Jesus in everyday life. I prayed hard that God would use my story to challenge those kids to love Him with their entire lives. I pray that God does the same to you.

I started the talk that night with the conclusion. My life is not about making money, growing comfortable, or fulfilling the American Dream, but is about loving, serving and following Jesus wherever He leads  no matter the cost, because of the great Grace and Mercy He has extended to me. Ultimately, because God has changed my heart to love Him with everything, this is my purpose.

I grew up as a preacher’s kid in a small town in East Texas; very humble beginnings. In school, I was pretty good at just about everything. By all worldly perspectives I had it all together most areas of life; scholastically, athletics, social, talents, religion, etc. I was saved when I was about 6 or 7 years old, when I first felt the weight of my sin against a holy God. However, all through Middle School and High School, church was a game that I played and another hobby that I practiced. I was the epitome of the rich young ruler from Matthew 19:16-22. I had it all together to the people around me, but inside I was a wreck and did not love Jesus with all that I was. A sinner hardcore. I went to Texas A&M as a Petroleum Engineering major looking to fulfill the Christian version of the American Dream (which I would venture to say is not Christianity); get a great job, have a great salary, be a good father, maybe be a deacon. Comfort and ease is what I desired. I truly thought this is what it was all about.

But God…

But God – two of the greatest words in the whole Bible – check out Ephesians 2:1-8.

But God, awoken my heart to Him and His glory. I started reading the Bible finally and living in true community. God has made some major changes to whom I am. I passed from death in my sin to life in Christ. However, this was not because I began to seek Him or because I read the Bible or whatever. It truly was only because of God’s grace—a gift truly unearned and undeserved on my part. This work in my life is completely from God, because by all accounts I thought that I had it together. Only by God’s mercy, did He awaken my heart to desire and love Him with all that I am. It was not because I could do enough deeds to earn salvation, but because of His grace and mercy.

In Titus 3:3-7, Paul is reminding Titus of some major truths. He talks about who we once were before Christ came and opened our eyes to see who He truly is. We were slaves to sin, just passing our days by. Then Paul reminds Titus that when the goodness and loving kindness of God appeared to us, He saved us. Then Paul goes on to talk about who we have become now that we are heirs of Christ. Essentially, Paul preaches the Gospel to Titus, which is the power unto salvation.

In Titus 2:11-14, Paul expands on who we are now that we have been redeemed. God’s grace (something we do not deserve or earn) trains us to renounce ungodliness, to live holy lives, to be cleansed from all lawlessness, and to be eager for good works. The Christian life is not about punching our ticket to Heaven and staying right there – we passionately pursue God and His will with everything we have.

This Gospel has come and radically changed my life. My response to His grace and mercy is to love Him with all that I am. Love the Word of God. Love Community of Believers. Love Making Disciples. Passionately follow Him wherever He leads. For me this could be any number of things; mission field, pastor, starting an oil company to fund Gospel-focused humanitarian aid, or any number of other things. Who knows? I know  my life is not be focused on making money, being successful, making it big or being comfortable – I am to be about making disciples. Maybe I am supposed to be a good husband, father and petroleum engineer in Midland, Texas. My purpose is not to speculate, but to live the life that God has given me as I grow in the knowledge of Him. I was not made to be somebody, I was made to know Somebody.

Why would I completely give up my life to Him? He is infinitely more valuable than any earthly treasure or pleasure. He has completely changed my life and given it true meaning. He died for me, in my place, the death I deserved—the Great Exchange; he gets my sin and I get His righteousness.

I pray that God would awaken your heart to love Him above all else. Seek Him with everything!

Purity

The thoughts and words written here are taken here explicitly from Disciplines of a Godly Man by R. Kent Hughes. He wrote a beautiful chapter on purity, and I thought it needed to be shared. It applies more to men, but women can take something from this as well, I hope. I took quotes from the chapter and inserted some of my own thoughts to season it up a little bit. Hope you are challenged and encouraged.

We live in a culture that sweats sensuality from its pores. In 1988, Leadership Magazine and Christianity Today polled their readers (likely college-educated church leaders, elders, deacons, Sunday school teachers and directors) and found that 1 of 8 pastors had committed adultery while in the ministry and 1 of 4 non-ministers had committed adultery. I can only imagine what the number is today some 22 years later.

Sensuality is one of the biggest obstacles to godliness in our day (and throughout all of history). David was a man after God’s own heart and was the mighty hero-leader of God’s people, but found himself far from the heart of God for a time in his life. If you do not know the story of David and Bathsheba, check out 2 Samuel 11. Hughes points out a few steps that led to his fall.

Desensitization – David had taken many wives, which was a sin against the commands of God in Deuteronomy 17. David had allowed a progressive desensitization to sin and a consequent inner descent from holiness take root in his life. David’s collection of wives, though it was ‘legal’ and not considered adultery in the culture of the day, was nevertheless sin. King David’s sensual indulgence desensitized him to God’s holy call in his life, as well as to the danger and consequences of falling. David’s embrace of socially permitted sensuality desensitized him to God’s call and made him easy prey for the fatal sin of his life. Men it is the ‘legal’ sensualities, the culturally acceptable indulgences, which will take us down. The long hours of indiscriminate TV watching and the expected male talk filled with double entendre and course humor are lurking culprits of desensitization.

Relaxation – David had taken relaxation from the rigors and discipline which had been apart of his active life. He was at midlife and had military prowess checked off the list. His relaxation extended to his moral life and left him vulnerable. Men, when we do not have a mission or explicit purpose to our lives (and our individual days) then we fall prey to the enemy’s schemes. Just when we think we are the safest, when we feel no need to keep our guard up, to work on our inner integrity, to discipline ourselves for godliness—temptation will come!

Fixation – David found himself in tough spot on the roof of the palace – catching a glance of a beautiful woman bathing. But his glance did not stay a glance, and he allowed himself to linger. He should have retired to his chamber, but he did not. Dietrich Bonhoeffer made the observation that when lust takes control, “At this moment God…loses all reality. …Satan does not fill us with hatred of God, but with forgetfulness of God.” David had allowed God to fade from the bright hues he once saw him in to a blurred image of an old sepia photograph.

Rationalization – When David had taken the next step to wards adultery, one of his servants tried to dissuade him, but David would not be rebuffed. Some massive rationalization took place in David’s mind. The mind controlled by lust has an infinite capacity for rationalization.

Degeneration (Adultery, Lies, Murder) – David’s progressive desensitization, relaxation, fixation, and rationalization set him up for one of the greatest falls in history—and his degeneration. One night led to birth of a child out of wedlock, lies to cover this up, deception, murder and subsequent consequences for generations. Men, we must understand that David would never have given more than a fleeting glance to Bathsheba if he could have seen the shattering results. I believe with all my heart that few, if any, would ever stray from God’s Word if they could see what would follow. The will of God for our lives is purity. Why?

“Be holy because I, the LORD your God, am holy”     - Leviticus 19:2

The Biblical command on our lives for purity, holiness and righteousness is explicit, necessary, and for our good. Some beautiful Scriptures that deal with this are: 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8, Job 31:1, Proverbs 6:27, Mark 9:42, Ephesians 5:3-7 and 2 Timothy 2:22.

Hughes offers a number of ways to ‘train yourself to be Godly’ (1 Timothy 4:7) and to put out some ‘holy sweat.’ Accountability with other men who understand your sensuality from the inside out, whom you can be completely honest with, and with whom you can be sharpened by. Prayer for the purity of your friends as well as enlisting them to pray for you. Memorization of God’s Word – The psalmist said, “How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word” (119:9). And, “I have hidden Your Word in my heart that I might not sin against You” (119:11). The discipline of the mind is important. Men, it is impossible for you to maintain a pure mind if you are television-watching ‘couch potato.’ Hughes also encourages placing hedges in your life to protect against temptations and attacks.

Hughes ends the chapter by exampling Joseph and Potiphar’s wife. When tempted with her, Joseph was divinely aware of the presence of God. “How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?” –and he fled.

“Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart” (2 Timothy 2:22)

In order not to become part of the negative statistics, and more importantly to honor and please our Father by obedience to His word, will we seek holiness in the area of purity? Will we be willing to put out some disciplined sweat? Are we men enough? Are we men of God?