Incomplete

I want everything I write to have the most meaning as possible. I want so much to write words that fit together perfectly and paint beautiful pictures of grace and truth. I want to be intentional in the way that I write, so that readers would be challenged to know God more. And because I want all these things, I tend not to write as much as I’d like to, because I want each post to be full and not partial. But the reality of life is that we are all incomplete and broken creatures full of partial and empty thoughts and actions. We as Christians are unfinished workmanships that will only be complete when we stand before the LORD Himself one day.

I so want to be there. Complete. Perfect. Not lacking. Finished. I don’t want to be unfinished, lacking, imperfect, and incomplete, but I am. Even in my weakness, I am learning that wholeness is only found in Jesus Christ.

I am growing as an engineer. I am fitting in with my team. I am contributing as much as the next guy. I am almost fully-functional as a Petroleum Engineer. I feel like I belong. I love being productive. I love doing good work. I am becoming respected. I am growing, but not there yet.

I am growing as a person. I am getting involved at Stonegate. I am making friends (albeit slowly). I am finding community (albeit even more slowly). I am enjoying living in Midland. I am learning to be responsible with my money. I am learning to be responsible in cleaning my apartment. I am learning to cook better. I am learning to be more active and am even attempting to do P90X. I am growing, but not there yet.

I am growing up. I am not a college kid any more. I am a young man with a career. I am getting opportunities to have influence on others. I am seeing life kind of come together in so many ways, but yet…

I’m not there. I have yet to arrive.

Today, I could not help but feel discontent all day long. In some ways this is not good, because God has been so good to me. I have nothing to complain about in the grand scheme of things. But In a lot of ways I think that this discontentment is a good thing. With all that I have been blessed with, I should be happy according to the world’s standards, right? I should be content and satisfied, right? But I’m not, and I think that this points to a deeper reality of life. Wholeness is only found in Jesus Christ. Stuff, accomplishments, success, people and things will not satisfy or bring a full life. True satisfaction and wholeness are only found in Jesus Christ.

This is why I can pray with open hands and a loose grip on my career, job, plans and life. I have experienced that Jesus is all that I really want and nothing else will ever fill me up. I can continue to try to fill my life with accomplishments, respect, success, and stuff, but in the end I am a leaky, unfinished clay pot that will never hold life. I continually need Jesus Christ to come, restore, change, transform this unfinished, leaky clay pot into a heart that is alive only in Him. 

I think I know where Jesus is leading me: directly towards Himself. Do I necessarily like the path that I am on? Not really. Do I trust Him? I want to, because His Word says that life is only found in Him. I want to live, so I’ll live for Him.