Just Thinking

Currently, I am fighting the first spat of loneliness that I have felt since being here in Midland. I have been running around like a crazy man since I started my job some 2 months ago. There have been times of relaxation and chilling out, but I have been very active and have not allowed myself to settle in. For some reason, this place still feels transient to me, even though I could be living here for the next 4 years. But today, I have finally slowed down. I am not going anywhere this weekend, nor do I have big plans like I have most of the time that I have been here. That’s partly why this has come on. Also, my time in the Word has suffered this week, and therefore I have suffered. I knew that rough times were coming and were inevitable, but I never seem to see them coming.

This week at work, I have been in Horizons training, which is the training program for new-hires at Chevron. We spent most of the week talking about who Chevron is, how we fit into the organization, and how to maximize our time with Chevron. Overall, it was the best training that I have had thus far. This was the first time that I was around 20-something year old new-hires and not 30-year veterans of the company. We spent a lot of time talking about career management, development as individuals, and adding value to the company. This training has got me thinking, so I am going to process some of it here.

Career of Moves – One major theme that was shared was that Chevron hires people for a career and not just a job. The company rewards longevity and perseverance. They are making an investment in people, and want us to return on that investment with a long, productive career making money for Chevron. One thing that I have become aware of is that I could have a ton of different jobs within Chevron in a ton of different locations all over the world. Chevron likes to move its people around to develop them into well-rounded people. At this point in my life, I know that this is where God wants me to be, but I really need to pray about if I really want to be moving my family (assuming I get to that stage) every 2 years and dragging them around the world. That’s going to take a trusting, loyal and patient wife to put up with me chasing the oil fields. Is it worth it? How could God use that? Is it something that I want?

Set for life – Needless to say, Chevron compensates its employees very well, especially if you stay with the company your whole career. A comment was made at one point that struck me. One of our upper managers said that we are set for life. We have every opportunity within Chevron to make tons of money, grow as a person, and be successful in other areas of life. By all measures, the path is clearly laid out to retire rich, fat, and comfortable. Is that what I want? Do I want the burden of having that much? Would this be the best way for me to glorify God? I know that God will use me no matter what, but is this my path?

Talent, Organization, Passions – One of the models discussed was the T.O.P. model. The point was to determine what your talents are (skill set), what your passions are (interests), and what the organization needs. Where all three of these match up in your job, then you are going to be very satisfied and useful. Another way of saying it is that the company has a need for you to do something that you are good at and enjoy doing. That really got me thinking. I have hated the question, “What are you passionate about?” my whole life. For some reason, I can never put into words the aching of my heart most of the time. I have begun to see some of my talents, skills, and potentials, but I am not fully certain as to what my passions/interests are. I know that whatever I put my mind to, I can find a way to accomplish it, and so the talent portion does not worry me. However, I could spend years doing something that I only do because I have the capability to do it. I want to do something that I am passionate about, whatever that means. I want to want to do what I do. I know that ultimately my life will be about spreading the gospel, wherever I find myself. I want to help people. I want to be on a mission. I want to do something epic with my life. I want to have a major impact. I want to be unknown though. I want to be a giver. I want to be radical.  Is Chevron a company that will allow me to align my passions and talents with their needs? What are my passions? Can I be in the oil industry and have the Kingdom impact that I want to?

Sorry if this is really scattered. I mostly just wanted to get this out of my head and onto paper. I also wanted to give you a glimpse into what’s going on. If you have any thoughts or ideas, please respond. I would love to hear some wisdom and understanding.

What is Salvation?

I was asked on a previous post by Anonymous, “What is salvation according to the Bible? How can one have assurance?” If you are the anonymous commenter, I would like to talk to you rather than just write you a response. My phone number is (936)465-7616, but since you probably will not call, I will do my best to answer those questions here.

I got to looking in the Bible to get references to quote and not just canned phrases that I have grown up on, and I found that I want to quote the whole New Testament. If you are questioning your salvation or wanting to be saved, I would commend actually reading the Bible and not just taking my word for it. Check out the Bereans (Acts 17:10-15). Read the Gospels; Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Read Romans, but when you get confused and overwhelmed by that, read Ephesians and Galatians. Read Acts, which is the story of the Church proclaiming Jesus as the Christ immediately following the death and resurrection of Jesus. Jesus, if you do not know, is the central figure on which the whole Bible, all of Christianity, and salvation focuses. Read any part of the New Testament and you will be saturated with Scripture on salvation.

I will do my best to explain salvation here, but truly, you should allow the Holy Spirit and teachers much wiser than I to teach you through the Word of God. There are so many terms that need to be defined and expounded on with other Scripture that I would have to write a book to fully explain it. Some of these include grace, mercy, love, sin, hell, God, redemption, propitiation, repentance, and so many more. Since the Scriptures are already written (as well as numerous other great books), I will allow them and the Holy Spirit to expound on these truths.

What is salvation according to the Bible?

·         Salvation is a free gift from God. (Ephesians 2:8, Titus 3:4-7, Romans 6:23)

·         Salvation is the Great Exchange; we get Jesus’ righteousness and He takes on our sin; we get heaven and He takes on the judgment and wrath that we deserved because of our sin. (1 John 2:2)

·         Salvation is God redeeming His people back to Himself. (Colossians 1:14)

·         Salvation is about God’s people being restored back into a right relationship with God. Salvation is God coming to get us. Salvation is passing from death to life. (Colossians 1:13, 1 John 3:14)

·         Salvation is having a hope for eternity with God. Salvation is by grace through faith, not by works. (Ephesians 2:8-9)

·         Salvation is not earned, merited, or deserved, but is given to us by the mercy of God. (Romans 9:14-18, 2 Corinthians 4:4-6, Romans 3:28)

·         Salvation comes through believing that Jesus is the Christ, the promised Savior, that He lived a perfect life and fulfilled the Law that we could not, that He died on the cross for your sins, that He rose from the dead, beating sin and death, and that His perfect blood sacrifice pays the debt that you owed God because of your sin. (Romans 3:23, Acts 13:38-39, Acts 10:43, Romans 8:3-4)

·         Salvation is about repentance, turning from our wicked ways to God. (Acts 2:38-39)

How can one have assurance?

·         A changed heart, which amounts to changed behavior. However, changing your behavior in hopes of changing your heart is not Biblical and leads to death. (1 John 3:6, Romans 6, Romans 7:4, Ephesians 2:10, Titus 2:11-14, and many more)

·         The gift of the Holy Spirit. (Acts 2:38-39, Titus 3:4-7, Acts, and many more)

·         Keeping His commandments. (John 17:3, 1 John 2:3, 1 John 3:24, and many more)

There are so many more assurances and evidences talked about in the Bible, but we have to be careful that we seek not the assurance of salvation and the evidences of salvation. We seek to know God and get God; not just get the benefits, the proof, and the stuff. Salvation is about God’s merciful, and gracious love, not our boasting that we have received it.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life.”  - John 3:16

“But God shows His love for us, that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”  Romans 5:8

My prayer for you is that God would move in your heart to cause you to desire to know Him, love Him, and pursue Him with all of your life, because he knew you, loved you, and has, was, and is pursuing you, even now.

True Celebration

I spent this past weekend in College Station visiting my family, my Pine Cove Ranch family, a number of good friends, as well as the sights and sounds of Aggieland. One of the many benefits of working for Chevron is a 9/80 schedule, which allows me to get every other Friday off. I used this opportunity to bolt on down to see most everybody.

This was my first trip back since graduating, so in truth I had more people to see than I had time to. I was stretched thin all weekend, so if you are reading this and I did not get to spend time with you, I apologize.

What a blessing it was to get to reconnect with so many wonderful people from Pine Cove Ranch! It was so great to hear how everybody is doing and get to share what God has been doing in my life. I am kind of a novelty in that group, because I am on of the few who has graduated. I cannot tell you how many times I was asked, “How is the real world?”, “How is West Texas?”, or “How is it being a real man?” I loved getting to share that God has provided just what I have needed and is working even in this place.

Seeing my family was also such a blessing, as always. Words cannot express the joy they bring into my life.

Going back helped me realize what I had when I lived in College Station: bountiful, solid community. Honestly, to some degree I had forgotten about all of the people that have had such an influence in my life that still live there. These people include family, Pine Cove people, friends, and especially the community at Living Hope. I am completely worn out emotionally from telling what God is doing in my life, because I have an extremely low word-count. (My theory is that every person has a number of words that he/she uses on a normal day, and once he/she uses that amount, then he/she either clams up or speaks very little. Men have much lower word-counts than women do on average.) Because I have a relatively low word-count and am very independent in nature, it took all I had to continue to share the same stories and experiences with sincerity. However, it was important to remind others of how faithful our God is.

Saturday morning at the tailgate, about six of us were tossing around the football in Spence Park. I tried to be cool and volleyball set the football to a buddy, but ended up hitting my forehead with the football and flinging my Aggie Ring off. I saw it fly off, but was unable to find it right away. We looked all around for about 45 minutes with no luck. At one point, I noticed that there were about 20 people helping us look for my hard-earned, key into the Aggie Network; old men, women and children whom none of us knew, were down on their hands and knees searching for this sacred piece of jewelry. I decided that if we could not find it, then a random passer-by could not either, so we left it in Spence Park until after the game. Any true Aggie would turn it in if they found it, so I was not worried at all.

After the Aggies tried to play football, we piled up and went to buy a metal detector at Academy. When I set it on the counter to pay for it, the girl at the register asked if I had lost my Aggie ring. Apparently, Academy in College Station only sells metal detectors to people who have lost their Aggie Ring. Who knew?

We finally got back to ground zero. At this point in the day, there were still hundreds of people tailgating in Spence Park. We were throwing the football on a hill opposite of the main tailgating area, so most everyone could see us searching for it. About 2 minutes into the search with the metal detector, it beeped. We all gathered tightly around Monty. We heard people in Spence Park start talking, “They found something!”  Will reached down and held up that expensive, costly piece of gold as the rest of us jumped for joy and screamed. The next thing we know, all of Spence Park erupted into a cheer that lasted about 30 seconds. They (most of them drunk…) were so excited that we had found what we were looking for. It was such a crazy and incredible experience that I am getting goose bumps just writing about it.

So is it in Heaven. Jesus said in Luke 15:7, concerning the lost but found sheep:

“Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in Heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.”

Likewise in Luke 15: 10, concerning the lost, but found coin:

“Just so, I tell you, there is joy before the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

Moreover, the same in Luke 15: 32, concerning the return of the prodigal son:

“It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found.”

I have a couple of men at work right now who are dreadful sinners in need of a Savior, but are beginning to ask questions about sin, Christianity, and Jesus. I cannot wait for God to move in their hearts and bring them from death to life. What a celebration it will be one day!

Ancient Paths - The Way Everlasting

My grandparents came into town this weekend to spend some time with me. A number of years ago, my Papa lived in Odessa as a young child. Early in his career, he lived here in Midland working for an oil company. My Meme also lived here for a short time, and Midland, Texas was the first place that my grandparents met. (I know they have told me the stories multiple times, but I do not want to butcher the details here, so I will refrain from the specifics…)

We went driving around different parts of Midland and Odessa. Partly I was showing them around, partly they were showing me around, but mostly we were spending time together; laughing, sharing stories, gleaning wisdom and enjoying the West Texas Plains. I showed them my office and some of the places that I already have a connection. We drove by the church where my Papa was baptized as a young man. We found the courthouse downtown where Papa had met Meme one afternoon to tell her that he was being transferred out of Midland. They both remembered that afternoon as if it was yesterday; it was a pivotal point in their relationship, not to mention my existence. We spent Saturday afternoon driving around the ‘old town’ looking for old houses that they had lived in. This endeavor was far less successful than the previous destinations, considering the fact we had no clue what streets they lived on, only general areas. They told me that in 35 years I’ll get to have my revenge on my kids or grandkids (oh my goodness!!!) by showing them all of my old places.

The rest of the weekend was spent looking at photographs from their travels to the Scandinavian part of Europe, drinking black coffee, sharing a wonderful breakfast together fresh from the kitchen of yours truly, attending FBC Midland where they both had attended some 53 years ago and saying our goodbyes. Meme and Papa are not shy about sharing advice and wisdom, although sometimes it is veiled in a story or experience that they had when they were younger. Meme is passionate about missions and spreading the gospel to our communities as well as the nations, so she naturally encourages me to get involved as much as I can. Papa is a giver and loves to serve, and he quietly, but boldly challenges me to do the same.

One experience that I do not think I will ever forget happened as they were leaving my apartment. Papa had loaded all of the stuff in the car, and he was eager to get on the road on schedule (like most Smith men). Meme was telling me a story about some pastor, I am sure. Papa could have easily said, “Sandra, alright that’s enough. It’s time to get on the road.” However, he stood there and patiently listened to his wife tell the story, which he had probably already heard. Meme finished her story and reached for a package out of nowhere. Meme had bought Papa a book by Bruce Wilkinson entitled You Were Born for This. Now I have never read the book, but apparently, it is about being a giver. Meme handed it to Papa along with a handwritten note on flowery card. He was thankful for the gift and leaned over and kissed my Meme right on the lips; right in front of me. Even after 50+ years, they still love each other and want to continue to build one another up. Papa then commented that he would mail me the book once he read it: a true giver. Neither of them realized what they had just done, but both had showed their love through either their patience or their service to the other.

At my current age, I cherish my time with them, because I am starting to see the Godly example that they have been to myself, my cousins, my parents, my aunts and uncles, friends in their church, members of their community, coworkers for many years and so many countless others. God only knows the impact that they have had through their generosity, faithfulness, commitment and service. I know that I will model how I spend my money, time and talents after Ray and Sandra Smith.

Again, I found myself extremely thankful and blessed this afternoon after they left, just as I did about a month ago when my parents left. Not only do I have parents that love the Lord and have modeled what it looks like to follow Jesus with my life, but I have a wonderful set of grandparents who have done the same.

Father, thank you for Godly parents and grandparents who understand Your grace. Help me to follow their examples and seek their wisdom. Continue to open my eyes to Your goodness in my life.

“Thus says the LORD: “Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls.”                - Jeremiah 6:16

“Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!”                   - Psalm 139:23-24

Adventures in Diversity

Since being in Midland, I have had quite the adventure. I have been thrust into all kinds of strange experiences and been put in situations quite different from what I am used to. Take for example my search for a church thus far.

I grew up in a traditional Southern Baptist Church. All the standard Baptist stuff came along with that, especially a solid foundation in the Word of God and the Supremacy of God. At Texas A&M, I went to a solid Baptist church, where I learned about what it is to have an incredible community of believers. I was also surrounded by the infamous ‘Christian bubble’ at A&M, and was probably a ringleader in some ways. I thought I was somewhat cultured when it came to churches, but I was dead wrong.

My first week in Midland, I went to a mega-church, with multiple two-thousand people services each Sunday. I really enjoyed the music and preaching, but I felt like I was at a national conference of some kind. Everything was so well put together and almost too perfect. It did not really feel like a place that I could call home. Everyone shuffled in and participated or watched and then shuffled out. It just seemed kind of fake and shallow to me. Side note: At this particular church, they have stations set up in the foyer (or atrium, commons, etc.) where you can give tithes and offerings by swiping your credit card; foreign and strange to me for sure, although it may be a good idea after all.

For two weeks I went to a church that would fall into the “Spirit-filled” or “full-gospel” church category. This particular one is large (at least compared to what I am used to). I loved the energy and passion in worship, but I was left wanting when it came to preaching the Word of God. I went to a community group on a weekday night, thinking that I would just dive in somewhere without actually praying about it, and enjoyed the company of both married couples that were there. I enjoyed it, but know that God has somewhere else for me. Side note: This church offers a “Holy Spirit Baptism Class” to learn about being baptized with the Holy Spirit; incredibly foreign and strange to me, and could be taught in error.

This past week I made plans to go to a small Baptist Church just down the road. I showed up for Sunday School about five minutes early and saw about 8 Crown Victoria’s parked in the lot. I figured that if there were any young people in Sunday school, they might not be the type that I would connect with, so I decided to come back for the main service later. I went to HEB to drink some coffee and read, and I randomly met a man who was very interested in what I was doing. We chatted about Scripture for a little bit and inevitably, he asked where I went to church. I explained my situation and he went on to suggest a church that he had previously attended. I obliged and followed him to a small church on the south side of town.

I walked in about 25 minutes late to a crowd of about 60 people; I stuck out like a sore thumb because I was a young, single white man, of which the crowd gathered was not many of those descriptors. The singing was very simple, the crowd very diverse, and the Spirit very present. This church could also fall under the category of ‘Spirit-filled’ or ‘full-gospel’. There were many a hallelujah, testimonies and hands-raised high, which suit me just fine, honestly. I did see someone speak in tongues for the first time (although, I just thought it was Spanish at first, but found out later that it was not) as well as the pastor healing a couple of people after the service. I was welcomed into the church like a long lost brother, and went to eat lunch with the Pastor and two other couples after the service. Side note: I have never felt that welcome or wanted in a place before, but I do have some issue with some of the teaching there.

Earlier this week I got into a conversation with a man at work one afternoon. We were just chatting about whatever, and eventually I asked him about church and God. He explained that he grew up Catholic, but has been involved in a number of other fellowships in the past ten or so years. Currently, he has become involved with a Hebrewan Fellowship west of Midland, which I have never even heard of. As best I could understand his explanation of these fellowships, they focus mostly on the Torah (first 5 books of the Bible, the Law) and on getting things back to the way that they used to be. We ended up talking for about an hour about it all, and had I not been completely ignorant of the Hebrewan Fellowships, we would have talked further about some of the things I had issue with. He thinks it is sinful to worship on Sunday, because Sabbath was originally on Saturday (or the 7^th day of the week). He focuses on keeping the Law and spoke of Jesus as merely a man, and not the Son of God who fulfilled the Law. It was an interesting afternoon.

The next day, I met a nice man out in the field doing some work for us who is Church of Christ. He seemed to love the Lord and encouraged me to stay strong in the midst of a dark place. We only were able to talk for about 20 minutes, so I had no issue with anything he believes other than what I generally know about Church of Christ.

Most of my encounters have been with non-believers, agnostics, or atheists, which is truly strange coming out of the ‘Christian bubble’ at A&M, where almost everyone claims to be a Christian. I have truly loved getting to talk about Jesus and the church with non-believers, because they tend to be a little more real and honest than most believers. They have no reservations in denying Christianity and the gospel, but need Jesus all the same.

I have also talked to a number of nominal Christians, who have no idea of what the Bible really says and what the gospel is all about. These are the hardest for me to converse with, because they play the part well, but truly do not understand most of what they are saying or doing. Still they need Jesus just as much as I do.

The number of solid Christians that I have met is small. The number within that group that I feel connected to is even smaller, if it exists at all. I know that God will provide that community in His time, so I will wait patiently and continue to seek Him and community.

I have had quite the first month here in Midland. Satan is trying to use all of these crazy experiences to make me doubt my faith. No doubt, being here has caused me to question some things. Why are there so many denominations, styles and preferences? Is there more than one that is right? Is having most of the true doctrines enough? Am I going about finding a church in a non-consumer way, as I want to? What is the Spirit’s role in all of this? Have I been missing it? etc. However, I know that ultimately all of these experiences are about my sanctification, so I am using this time to seek truth and beg for answers or peace from God. It would be easy to allow Satan to gain a foothold of doubt and cynicism, but I know that this is for my good. It is times like this when I have to stick to the basics: God’s Word, prayer, and community.

In the past when I was surrounded by Christians, I often was stuck in a rut, wondering what it is that I should be reading or studying in the Bible and outside of it. Now, I know the things that I need to be praying about and studying, because I have non-Christians and marginal believers asking questions and presenting false-teachings that need to be corrected. What an opportunity God has given me!

Father, guide and sanctify me in truth; Your Word is truth. Reveal the errors in my understanding and the inconsistencies in my life. Open my eyes to the beauty of Your Word. Help me to love the people around me, by praying for them, preaching the gospel and seeking to meet their needs. Use Midland, Texas and the oil field to refine me.

Grace

This summer at Pine Cove I had the chance to share the testimony of God’s grace in my life to all of the 6^th graders one night. I cannot explain to you how amped up I was to get to explain what God has done in my life to those young men and women. The purpose of the talk (and the true essence of a testimony) was to talk about how the Gospel has impacted my life and what my response is to Jesus in everyday life. I prayed hard that God would use my story to challenge those kids to love Him with their entire lives. I pray that God does the same to you.

I started the talk that night with the conclusion. My life is not about making money, growing comfortable, or fulfilling the American Dream, but is about loving, serving and following Jesus wherever He leads  no matter the cost, because of the great Grace and Mercy He has extended to me. Ultimately, because God has changed my heart to love Him with everything, this is my purpose.

I grew up as a preacher’s kid in a small town in East Texas; very humble beginnings. In school, I was pretty good at just about everything. By all worldly perspectives I had it all together most areas of life; scholastically, athletics, social, talents, religion, etc. I was saved when I was about 6 or 7 years old, when I first felt the weight of my sin against a holy God. However, all through Middle School and High School, church was a game that I played and another hobby that I practiced. I was the epitome of the rich young ruler from Matthew 19:16-22. I had it all together to the people around me, but inside I was a wreck and did not love Jesus with all that I was. A sinner hardcore. I went to Texas A&M as a Petroleum Engineering major looking to fulfill the Christian version of the American Dream (which I would venture to say is not Christianity); get a great job, have a great salary, be a good father, maybe be a deacon. Comfort and ease is what I desired. I truly thought this is what it was all about.

But God…

But God – two of the greatest words in the whole Bible – check out Ephesians 2:1-8.

But God, awoken my heart to Him and His glory. I started reading the Bible finally and living in true community. God has made some major changes to whom I am. I passed from death in my sin to life in Christ. However, this was not because I began to seek Him or because I read the Bible or whatever. It truly was only because of God’s grace—a gift truly unearned and undeserved on my part. This work in my life is completely from God, because by all accounts I thought that I had it together. Only by God’s mercy, did He awaken my heart to desire and love Him with all that I am. It was not because I could do enough deeds to earn salvation, but because of His grace and mercy.

In Titus 3:3-7, Paul is reminding Titus of some major truths. He talks about who we once were before Christ came and opened our eyes to see who He truly is. We were slaves to sin, just passing our days by. Then Paul reminds Titus that when the goodness and loving kindness of God appeared to us, He saved us. Then Paul goes on to talk about who we have become now that we are heirs of Christ. Essentially, Paul preaches the Gospel to Titus, which is the power unto salvation.

In Titus 2:11-14, Paul expands on who we are now that we have been redeemed. God’s grace (something we do not deserve or earn) trains us to renounce ungodliness, to live holy lives, to be cleansed from all lawlessness, and to be eager for good works. The Christian life is not about punching our ticket to Heaven and staying right there – we passionately pursue God and His will with everything we have.

This Gospel has come and radically changed my life. My response to His grace and mercy is to love Him with all that I am. Love the Word of God. Love Community of Believers. Love Making Disciples. Passionately follow Him wherever He leads. For me this could be any number of things; mission field, pastor, starting an oil company to fund Gospel-focused humanitarian aid, or any number of other things. Who knows? I know  my life is not be focused on making money, being successful, making it big or being comfortable – I am to be about making disciples. Maybe I am supposed to be a good husband, father and petroleum engineer in Midland, Texas. My purpose is not to speculate, but to live the life that God has given me as I grow in the knowledge of Him. I was not made to be somebody, I was made to know Somebody.

Why would I completely give up my life to Him? He is infinitely more valuable than any earthly treasure or pleasure. He has completely changed my life and given it true meaning. He died for me, in my place, the death I deserved—the Great Exchange; he gets my sin and I get His righteousness.

I pray that God would awaken your heart to love Him above all else. Seek Him with everything!