Used Up

Can I trust a God that would use me up completely for the sake of someone else or something else? Can I trust a God like that? Is that fair at all to go through a situation and act and be who I am supposed to be and get nothing from it? Would I be OK with a God who would completely waste my life for the good of others?

I have a great friend that posed these questions to me a while back, but I really did not have much of a context to answer these questions, so I just chatted with him a little bit about them. However, recently I have had a few experiences that have left me ‘unfairly’ treated and somewhat ‘used up’; all for the sake of those around me and of no discernable good for me.

Is that fair? To be exactly who I am supposed to be and get no reward for it?

Depends on how I view God. If I think that I can control God with my behavior and actions and heart motives, then I am way off base. God is Creator and Sovereign and Lover and Savior. I am not. He is in the heavens and does as He pleases. (Psalm 115:3) To think that I can control situations and life events with the way I act and behave is absurd.

I have often thought and still think sometimes that if I will just be the man God has called me to be, and the worker God has called me to be, and the friend that God has called me to be, then God will have to reward that and give me the desires of my heart.

What a foolish attitude that has crept in my heart and snuck into my life unnoticed. I thought that I could control God and make Him behave the way I wanted Him to.

A common American way of thinking that often gets associated with Christianity is, ‘God helps those who help themselves.’ Not true in the least sense. God is in the Heavens and He does as He pleases. (Psalm 115:3) God helps those whom He desires to help, regardless of human behavior. God does as He desires and acts for His glory and our utmost joy. My pastor says this a lot, ‘God is more committed to His Glory and your joy than you ever will be.’ I think this is true and consistent with the Scriptures.

A common verse used to back this view is this:

 ‘God works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.’ Romans 8:28

This is a completely true statement, but the Scripture does not leave this up to our interpretation as to what is for our good. Paul continues:

‘For those whom He foreknew (or fore-loved) He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, in order that He might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom He predestined He also called, and those whom He called He also justified, and those whom He justified He also glorified.’ Romans 8:29-30

So, our good is found in that which conforms us into the image of God’s Son, Jesus Christ. That is what is good for me, not whatever I thought or think is best for me. God knows that to conform me into the image of His Son is of far greater significance than any other fleeting joy on this earth. I love that I am the passive agent in all of this. God loved. God predestined. God called. God justified. God glorifies. God gets all the glory, not me.

There’s a story in the Old Testament about a man named Isaac (the son of Abraham). God tells Rebekah, his wife, that she will have two sons and the older one will serve the younger one. This was very inconsistent with an honor-based, patriarchal society. Paul says that this was to show that God was sovereign not because of human works but simply because God calls. Paul asked whether this was injustice on God’s part, because Esau (the older son) ‘deserved’ to be honored as the oldest and was ‘unfairly’ treated. Paul then quotes God’s words to Moses in Exodus 33:19.

‘I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion. So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy. For the Scripture says to Pharaoh, ‘For this very purpose I have raised you up, that I might show my power in you, and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth. So then He has mercy on whomever He wills, and He hardens whomever He wills.’ Romans 9:15-18

I think we like to think that we can control God and order His steps. We like to think that God will be forced to react a certain way if we just behave, however I don’t believe this. I do know that God rewards and blesses the righteous. I do think that it is OK to receive blessing and rewards from God, knowing that they come down from God the Father. But when we expect to be rewarded and aren’t, we can’t question whether God is there, or righteous, or faithful. He Is, even when we doubt. He Is, even if we don’t understand.

To answer my initial question, ‘Can I trust a God that would use me up completely for the sake of someone else or something else?’, I will do it this way.

Yes. Yes I can, and Yes I do.

So, for me to be ‘used up’ ‘unfairly’ does not lead me to hatred or questioning, but to a place of worship for a God that knows me and knows what I need more than I think I do. I definitely have questioned and wondered if this is what is for the best, but I trust God more than I trust my doubting.

My prayer is not for my situation to change, but for me to see God more rightly. Enlarge not my territories, but my view and love of You, God. 

Playing The Game Well

Do you ever feel like life is a big game? I think so, and I’ve thought about this a lot over the years as I have struggled to play the game well.

I know how to play the game, but that doesn’t mean that I want to. I know the answers. I know the right things to say (most of the time). However, just because I have and know the right answer (concerning missions, the Bible, the gospel, life, drinking, career, etc.), that does not mean that my life has been consistent with the words that I say. Does knowing the right answers get in the way of my realness? Does an understanding of this Game get in the way of deep and right relationships? Does a developed skill at playing this Game well hinder growth?

One of the virtues that I hold very highly is honesty, or you might call it realness. This hasn’t always been the case though. Pre-college, I’d say that I had not seen a whole lot of realness. This observation though is mostly an indictment on me and my lack of honesty with others. I had more masks and fronts that I was even aware of. I rarely let anyone in to see who I really am. I learned to play the game early.

The Game, as I have seen it, seems to be about putting on an air of having all things together, so that others might either respect or love you. The Game, in my perception, is about only showing strength and coolness and never showing weakness or un-coolness.

To get good at the game, one must learn what it is that others might want to see in you. This is problematic for many reasons. First, as Christians our aim is not to please men but to please God. Because of the gospel’s effect on our life, we are pleasing to God because of Jesus Christ and do not have to work to be somebody of value and worth. Second, it is impossible to please men, because we are fickle and our emotions are ever-changing. We can never keep up with a standard that is ever-changing. Third, we are imperfect beings and will never be rid of weaknesses and be filled with coolness. To put on the mask of having all things together is a lie and inconsistent with what we all know to be true.

To get good at the game, one must learn how to cover weakness and mask it as coolness, where weakness is defined as the things that you believe that others don’t want to see in you and coolness are those things that you believe others do want to see in you. This is also problematic, because Paul said that in our weakness, His power is made perfect. When we have all things together (or think we do), then we become independent of God, which is the opposite of how we are supposed to live towards Him; in complete dependency.

To get good at the game, one must never be completely honest. To be completely honest is to admit weakness and lack of coolness. This would be a detriment to ones status in the game. This is likewise problematic to the Christian, since we are people of the Truth which is Jesus Christ. We are called to be people who know the Truth and speak the Truth. To play the game well is not speak of the Truth.

To get good at the game, one must be about elevating oneself above everyone else. Since we are not perfect, we make this game about being better than those around you. We might even surround ourselves with people we deem as being less than we are so that we might look great; sandbagging is the term for this in sports. The problem with this is that we are comparing ourselves to the wrong standard. Our Standard is not other men, but Christ Jesus Himself. When we compare ourselves to Him, we see how weak and needy we truly are.

This game is filled with problematic rules and assumptions. To call oneself a Christian and continue to submit to the rules of the game is inconsistent.

We are fully accepted because of the gospel. We are fully free because of the gospel. We are called heirs and sons of God because of the gospel. We are free from pleasing others because of the gospel. We are free to love because of the gospel. We are free to be weak and un-cool because of the gospel. The gospel is our ticket out of the game.

However, when I continue to submit to the rules of the Game, I hinder deep and right relationships. I put a barrier between me and others and God. When I keep playing the game (knowing the right answers, putting on masks, acting inconsistently with who God says that I am, etc.), I hinder growth in Christ and love for others. I become too worried with how people see me in the flesh and not worried about the gospel being seen clearly in me.

In college, I began to find guys who once had played the game well, but had surrendered their lives to the gospel. They were so free and full of life, and I wanted that. I have tried to surround myself with these people, so that they will rub off on me and force me to be real. This is what I desire; to be able to be real and not worry about playing the game well.

We will never meet the standard imposed on us by others, so why keep trying to? Get out of the game and come to Jesus; in Him is found true freedom. In Him, we are free to be weak and un-cool. In Him, we are free to love. In Him, we are fully accepted. In Him, we have life free from the games that we play. 

From Straight-jacket to Freedom

In my young professional community we are working through Tim Keller’s The Reason for God by discussing the questions raised in his book through a Biblical perspective. This past week had some great discussion on a very hard question that I have thought about over the years. (As a side note, my Dad has read this book and has mentioned that this book is in his all-time top-5 books. His heart was stirred to at least a dozen sermons through the content of this book.)

Are Christianity and the Bible a straightjacket on freedom, individualism and truth?

Tim Keller is pastor of a church in Manhattan called Redeemer. Manhattan, and all of NYC, is the home of many forward-thinking and typically liberal young minds. Many have said that orthodox Christianity cannot find a home among such thinkers, because the Church is for the simple-minded Conservative unwilling to honestly think about the claims of Christianity vs. the claims of the rest of the world. However, Keller’s church is thriving in the midst of a skeptical and modern society, which is a great argument for the truth of Christ and the church being founded in almost every culture around the world. Christianity is not for one culture, language or people group, but is for the nations as spoken by God throughout the Scriptures. Keller has found a way to be founded in the truth of Scripture and God, yet being culturally relevant among the people of Manhattan. Being among this type of person has caused him to consider what appear to be some very difficult questions about the Christian faith and God. Keller has not shied away from hard questions though, and presents great arguments for the validity of our faith throughout his book and his preaching. However, my favorite thing about Keller thus far is his love for those he is discussing with. He never approaches anyone with a Truth-Stick to beat them into submission. He always approaches the questions with grace and truth. He never shies away from being a Christian or the truth of the Scriptures, but always come to the argument with love and much grace, which is very encouraging to me.

Many people see Christianity and thus the Bible (and other religions and their holy books for that matter) as a power play by some authority to get you to follow some set of rules, which limits freedom and individualism and culture and truth. First, it is important to answer some basic questions; what is freedom, what is truth, and what does Christianity say about both.

What is freedom?

                Some would say that America is a place of freedom, yet there are many rules that are present here. Rules of law, rules of cultural acceptance, rules of social interaction and many more exist even in the most ‘free’ places. Rules are inescapable, it is truly just a matter of what rules that you submit to. We discussed different meanings of freedom; some patriotic, some based on choices, and rebellious others founded in the absence of authority. The best that we discussed was founded in the truth of Scripture; freedom is the ability to enjoy life and all of its pursuits to the fullest in Jesus Christ, under no compulsion except to love God and others. Freedom is what gives us the capacity to love God and others. Freedom does not release us from the laws and rules of our country, religion or culture, but allows us to joyfully obey them in glad submission to the authorities set up by God the Father, the highest authority.

What is truth?

                Some people have issue with Christianity because our truth claims are exclusive of others truth claims. However, it makes complete sense that truth claims would exclude. If your definition of what is true is not exclusive of others truth claims, then your truth cannot be true. To quote the great Christian rapper LeCrae, ‘If my truth says that your truth is wrong, then who’s is really true?’ Jesus, when questioned in front of Pilate before his imminent death, said that His purpose of coming into the world was to bear witness to the Truth and only those who were of the Truth could hear his voice. Jesus was claiming to be Truth and God in this sentence, like He did many times elsewhere in the Scriptures. Truth, and thus absolute truth, is unavoidable because not everything is relative; there must be a Standard by which everything is measured. The claim of absolute truth is not narrow-minded nor the enemy of authentic personhood.

Christianity is the most socially adaptable of all the major religions, including atheism/agnosticism. Christianity has spread all over the world to countless peoples, while most of the major religions have stayed very centralized in the place of origin. If you look at Christianity around the world, there is no definable Christian culture that fits all the peoples. However, there is a very distinct Muslim culture, Buddhist culture, and Jewish culture, as defined by dress, traditions, language, etc. Christianity is adaptable because it is not about how we dress or the music we sing, but about love and worship for God in whatever form is relevant in that culture. Either way some would say that our Christian community is exclusive, but that argument is not founded on sound reason. (side note: Christianity has had forms that are very exclusive (race, gender, traditions, etc.) but this is not the message of the Bible nor of God throughout all of time.)

The essence of community is exclusive and can’t be completely inclusive. All groups have some set of moral truths they believe in, which are not inclusive. He uses a great example of a pastor saying that Homosexuality is OK in the eyes of God and the president of the local Gay, Lesbian and Transgender society saying that homosexuality is a sin. At some point both of these organizations (one typically cast as exclusive and the other cast as inclusive) will have to ask their leadership to step down, because they no longer fit in with the common beliefs held among that group. Somebody’s rules (of morality, actions, interaction, behavior, ethics, etc.) will reign within a people; it is just a matter of whose worldview will reign supreme.

So this begs the question; whose worldview will be held in highest esteem in our society?

Christianity seems to be limiting and constraining from outside appearances, but is in fact the most liberating and freeing worldview that exists. First, think about a love relationship. It seems that loving someone is very limiting, because you give up much of yourself in order to be in relationship with another human being. However, inside of that nurturing and caring relationship, there is more life than could be found outside of that relationship with more ‘freedom’. Constraining and limiting oneself to the right constraints and limits is more freeing than living haphazardly with no rules, morals or ethics. Second, think about a professional musician. He invariably limited himself by disciplining his body to the pursuit of becoming a great musician. Many times he chose to stay home to practice instead of ‘freely’ going out and enjoying himself. This seems to be limiting, but in fact was very freeing because he now can express his musical talents in a way that gives much more life and freedom than if he had chosen to just flail around and enjoy himself flippantly.

Christianity says that God limited Himself to create us and love us. He could have existed for all of eternity in the Trinity just enjoying Himself. He could have done whatever pleased Himself, but instead chose to create this rebellious people and then to become like us to save us. That is very limiting, but in fact shows great love. He chose to do this to show great love and to get great glory. Freedom in Christ is the ability to love others and to enjoy life to its fullest, which is found only in Christ Jesus. Christ has set us free to love Him and others.

Christianity is not limiting but freeing. We are free to live in the way we were designed to live. Since God created us, we ought to operate in the way that He created us to. No one would buy a car and then refuse to change the oil or refill it with gasoline, and if he did then the car would not be free but would be constrained. Just like the car was meant to operate according the owner’s manual, so we are meant to operate according to the Word of God. The Bible is not a hindrance to freedom, but in fact tells us of the way to live life more freely.

If we can’t see the God behind the rules, then we will never live in glad submission to His rules. If we can’t respect the maker of the rules, then we will never obey joyfully. If we refuse to acknowledge our inherent design, then we will never live in a way that we were created to do.

I am praying that we might not see the Bible or Christianity as a straightjacket, but as freedom to live.

This Present Calling

I was asked recently when I first felt called to missions. That question was a little complicated to answer for me.

There is a running joke in my family that when I am asked when I learned something that I will answer, “I’ve always known that!” Now, I do not earnestly believe that this statement is true, but in some sense it correctly portrays how I feel. When I learn something easily it is because I have had some sense that it was true even before it was ever explained to me. The best books and teachers are ones that more eloquently express what it is that I know deep within me. Those are the things that resonate with me. I learn best when I learn something that I have either seen to be true or have a sense that it is true even without seeing it. It sounds arrogant that I have always known something but sometimes that’s the best way for me to describe how I feel about a truth.

In response to the question about missions, I instinctively answered that I have always felt called to missions.

Now, this statement is not true at all, but it is hard to remember a time when I did not feel that way. I know that in reality this change came sometime during college for me when God changed my heart to love Him above all else. It happened when I first began to earnestly seek God through His Word. It is hard to remember a time when I did not desire to be sent with the gospel as my nametag and identity.

Our conversation went on to delve into the realities of missions and the gospel. If you have not picked up on it yet, I am somewhat idealistic about many things, including missions. In my arrogance I tend to idealize missions and the call to bring the gospel to those opposed to it. We got to talking about the need to be obedient in the present situation before God will call us to be obedient in a future situation. To be effective in another culture, we must first be effective in our own culture and life situation. If we want to be missionaries to the ends of the earth, we must first be missionaries at the beginning of the earth. Being a missionary is not a future endeavor, but a present calling no matter the circumstances. The words that were spoken to me were cutting and convicting, even invoking a little bit of anger. I did not want to admit that I was wrong, which is hard for me. I did not want to be teachable in that moment to the Spirit’s conviction. I wanted to rest in my arrogant notions about my effectiveness, talents and gifts. I wanted to stay convinced that hopping on a plane and changing my circumstances would change my heart. I wanted to not listen, but that was not even allowed in the moment.

That short little conversation stirred much thought in my mind and burden in my heart.

I was challenged to consider the missionary call on my present reality. If I continually am looking to a future situation to satisfy me, then I will not be obedient in the present day. If my focus is always on what may come to be, then I will not be effective or relevant in my current reality. I so desire the gospel to go the ends of the earth, but find it hard to see that happening through me even in Midland, Texas. I began to realize that the gospel must penetrate my heart first before it will ever penetrate those around me. I am praying that for my own life and for those around me, that the gospel would penetrate our hearts and bring us to our knees in dependence on Christ Jesus. I am praying that God would stir our hearts with a passion for His name and for the glorification of Christ in the gospel.

“The Lord conquered my unbelief, and I surrendered myself to God for this service. I told Him that all the responsibility as to issues and consequences must rest with Him; that as His servant, it was mine to obey and follow Him—His, to direct, to care for, and to guide me and those who might labor with me. Need I say that peace at once flowed into my burdened heart?” – J. Hudson Taylor

‘I believe we are all in danger of accumulating—it may be from thoughtlessness, or from pressure of occupation—things which would be useful to others, while not needed by ourselves, and the retention of which entails loss of blessing. If the whole resources of the Church of God were well utilized, how much more might be accomplished! How many poor might be fed and naked clothed, and to how many of those as yet unreached the Gospel might be carried!” – J. Hudson Taylor